Monday, July 13, 2009

Zen Arcade


Today (as far as my fairly extensive research can tell) marks the twenty-fifth anniversary of my favorite album of all time, Zen Arcade by Hüsker Dü. This record marks a turning point for rock music that may have defined it for the past quarter century. Sure, maybe some band would have stepped in and done what Hüsker Dü did, but it wasn't another band that did it. This is the moment where the seething anger and discomfort and unplaceable angst of hardcore punk met the pop songwriting and drug soaked psychedelia of the mid sixties. When you listen to Zen Arcade, you listen to one of several benchmarks in the creation of alternative rock, but one that absolutely creates its ethical and aesthetic basis.

Let's start from the beginning. Rock and roll started as rebellion. Kids danced and smoked marijuana to early rock tunes. Motion pictures were made decrying its evils. But by the end of the fifties, much of rock's stigma had been taken away by white artists singing about holding hands or even less threatening sounding euphemisms. And so, rock and roll became mindless pablum. There, however, remained something of a threat (see the FBI's investigation of the lyrics of "Louie Louie" for instance). Bands, most of whom tended to stay just below the mainstream radar, made penetrating music that challenged the listener's concept of what music was supposed to mean and who could make it. The work of these musicians finally seemed to culminate in the late 70s when punk bands like the Ramones and the Clash and Sex Pistols made more significant moves into the mainstream conciousness, but most audiences thought of this as little more than an obnoxious, anti-disco fad.

However, there were kids all over the US who heard the Ramones and found something in their simplicity and unforgiving speed. It was a chance meeting of two of these kids in a record store in Minnesota that made music history.

Bob Mould and Grant Hart met when Mould was away at MacCalester College. Hart worked at a record store where Mould often shopped. A friendship bloomed around their mutual love of the Beatles and the Ramones. Eventually Hart and Mould would smoke pot together and listen to records. This relationship led to the formation of a cover band with Greg Norton on bass, and some other guy on electric keyboard. After an impromptu session of shouting random foreign language phrases, the band came up with the name Hüsker Dü, Norwegian/Danish for "do you remember." The umlauts were later added for a more metallic effect. The keyboard player was very shortly thereafter dropped, and the band finally solidified.

A single and live LP followed. They were signed by the Minutemen's New Alliance records, and then Black Flag's SST. There first official output for SST was an EP/mini-album titled Metal Circus. On this record's seven tracks, the band began to incorporate a little more melody into their songwriting. But halfway into mixing the album, the power went out in the studio and much of the material was lost.

More determined than ever, the band set to writing new material throughout a summer in Minneapolis. According to drummer/vocalist Grant Hart, the acid in MPLS was particularly good that summer. Ideas began to gel, and songs began to formulate. It was time to record the tracks for Spot and SST.

And so, in a period of about a week and a half, the entire, sprawling double LP was recorded and mixed at SST's studios in Hermosa Beach, CA. All but two of the songs were recorded in one take.

The record was delayed so that it could be released simultaneously with SST's other equally ambitions double LP, the Minutemen's Double Nickels on the Dime. The wait, I can only assume, was worth it.

The result of tight rehearsal, quick recording, and masterful writing, Zen Arcade represents the absolute pinnacle of what hardcore was possible of and clears a path for new exploration that would later become alternative rock. It's music is poppy, but maintains a level of aggression that can speak to the ostracized teenager to whom the story of the album seems dedicated.

Oh yeah, this shit is a concept album. A kid recognizes a world at home beyond his control and understanding, so he runs away. He experiments with drugs, sex, and organized religion. He witnesses death and destruction and all the horrors of the human condition only to come back home and maybe wake up from some sort of dream.

Basically this album is perfect. While certainly the ultimate product of early 80s hardcore, more than most records of that era, it stands the test of time. More than any record before or since, it captures the spirit of the tortured youth in this country. And as long as the country produces young people, they will be tortured. And as long as those things are true, this country will need Zen Arcade and records like it.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

More Stand Up

This video is my least favorite of mine.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Some Thoughts on Last Night's Fake Problems Show


As per the request of the gentleman at the helm of one of my favorite blogs, I am expanding upon some thoughts I tweeted from the Fake Problems show on July 2 the year of our lord 2009 at Cambridge, MA's The Middle East. This will mostly be a review of the show with some special attention spent on the mongoloids behind me.

I went, as often I do due to my lack of punk rock friends, to this show alone. I sort of walked through the sparse crowd and decided to stand at the front corner of the stage.

The first band was a very young looking local band called Quixote. It took me a while to warm up to them. For the first couple of songs I was sort of fixated on the fact that the only one who looked like he was into it was the drummer. But the longer their set went on, the more I got into the groove of their music. My first thought was "Fake Problems on Valium." That turned out to be less than fair because with the exception of the guitarist and keyboard player, everyone was into it by the end. The songs seemed to be well written and were driven by danceable drum beats and a folkishly punk rest of the band. The guitarist, however, was distractingly not into it.

Next, another local band, Movers and Shakers took the stage. They played some seriously awesome sort of rootsy, sort of country, sort of punk rock and roll tunes. Their songs weren't super energetic, but the band was totally into it. A good point of comparison would be if Chuck Ragan sang for Lucero maybe. I didn't get too good a read on the other singer's voice. A little higher pitched, but not immediately placeable. The one drawback for these guys was that their keyboard was set up right in front of me and I couldn't see for shit.

Here's when the morons behind me made their presence known. There was a sort of crusty looking kid with dreds standing next to me during movers and shakers, and I have this sort of unfair visceral reaction against dreds. So there's one point against him from the get go. His friends show up, and start taking a whole hell of a lot of pictures. Like, way too many considering there isn't a band on stage. They're just taking pictures of each other in a dark club. One of the friends reached around hella far to give the dredded kid bunny ears in one of the pictures.

Then another two kids, recent transplants from Florida as I soon extrapolated, came over. "Hey, I'm about to take a picture of that kid," says the dredded kid's female friend from behind me. "Give him bunny ears."

"Sure, I don't give a FUCK!" shouts one of the Floridians in response.

At this point I try to shut off because I can tell a total retard-fest is about to start behind me, but here are a few delicious tidbits I picked up. Keep in mind, these are real things, real people said.

"Yeah me and this kid got kicked out of Orlando because we got too drunk."

"I'm like, 'yeah, fuck it! I'll smoke a blunt'"

"Yeah, he once smoked crack."

"I'm like, 'yeah, fuck it! I'll do meth.'"

It was soon after that gem of a fact came out that the gentleman who repeatedly made reference to the miniscule amount of fucks he gave had recently turned 21. And here's the kicker. This is the type of behavior that makes me wish I could carry a concealed weapon. The date of his birth was June 19. "Holy shit, that's my birthday too! We need to be friends now, if only birthday friends." UGH! I mean really, these were the types of people who were lifestyle punks which I, personally, think is kind of stupid, but whatever, beside the point. Anyway, if you're a lifestyle punk, you don't say the same sort of vapid shit that the high school cheerleaders say to each other in the cafeteria or else you're a hypocrite. Though this is punk rock, I guess that comes with the territory.

Anyway, back to the show. Kiss Kiss took a half an hour to set up, putting in my head the idea that I would possibly have to choose between missing the bus and missing Fake Problems. As a result, I didn't pay attention to them short of feeling a little bad when I could tell they saw that I was looking at them really angrily.

Fake Problems took the stage at pretty much exactly 12:15, roared through a just plain old amazing fucking set. Though Casey Lee was absent due to a family emergency, which eliminated the lead parts on songs. It affected my enjoyment, but only a little bit as the rest of the band really kicked up the energy level by a lot. They ended their set proper with "Heart BPM" off this year's It's Great to be Alive which is really a pretty fucking perfect song. They left stage for all of like 30 seconds, and played a real sweaty rendition of my favorite one song into the next of just about all time "Astronaut" into "Crest on the Chest." It was truly truly fucking awesome.

And I made my bus, so Kiss Kiss is forgiven.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Some thoughts on Dante Stallworth.

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth killed a man. At best, he is guilty of manslaughter, and legally, he is guilty of homicide. If you drink and get behind the wheel of a car, you made a premeditated decision to put other people's lives in danger. If the victim's family decided it was better not to pursue a harsher sentence for Mr. Stallworth, then that's their prerogative. But the NFL has to step up and show some back bone on this one.
Public opinion of the NFL is in a weird place. Many high-profile players have gotten in legal trouble for all kinds of offenses (Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress, and Ray Lewis to name some more salient examples), and Roger Goodell keeps talking about having less tolerance for these kinds of things. So why let a man who admitted to killing someone play again?
I, for one, would probably have been happier to know that Stallworth was sentenced to more than a month in jail for what is legally defined as murder, but it is obviously not my place to say, and I obviously don't know all the facts of the case. But the NFL has to take serious disciplinary action against Stallworth to try and salvage whatever little bit of responsibility is possible.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

A Rant that I Hope to Never Have to Repeat

So I'm watching Sportscenter right now, and I'm sure no one reading this cares either way, but they're telling the story of Charismatic, a thoroughbred horse that nearly won the triple crown, that's stuck at a farm in Japan. Peta is afraid that the horse will be killed at a slaughterhouse there. You bet it will be! That's what happens to horses. I'm sorry, but if you have a problem with horses being killed, then stop supporting the sport of horse racing! Also, stop eating meat. Nearly all thoroughbred horses are killed, and every piece of meat you eat was killed in a similar matter.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

ATTN: CT Readers


Connecticut is awful. It's so grey and boring and stupid and crappy looking. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pee on Connecticut.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Paul Westerberg

Man, how do you write a song as good as "Answering Machine?" I guess you have to be Paul Westerberg.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

URGH!

I hope the guy who left his laundry in the dryer at the laundromat and got mad at me when I took it out so I could get my fucking laundry done before the place closes dies in a fire. Fuck you. Fuck you a lot. You owe me all the quarters I lost in my angry explosion. Seriously, fucking die!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Replacements


Man, today I was listening to Let It Be, and it just hit me. I've loved that record since the second I heard it, but something new hit me today about it. It's sort of hard to describe, but the best I can put it is this:

Music is important to me. I love a lot of bands a lot. But this record makes me excited. I have no idea how better to say that, but for damn near two years now, I'm still like a kid listening to punk rock for the first time when I hear those songs. The Replacements rule so hard.

I did Stand-up

I totally forgot to blog this sooner, but it was a pretty big deal for me. I did stand-up comedy for the first time on Friday and it was pretty fucking great. Thank you to Cheap Sox and Tufts University for setting that whole thing up and to E-Money Fleischinator for making me be involved.

What's the deal with airline food?
Am I right?

P.S. Please be sure to keep up with We Do Stand-Up, a loose group of comics to which I apparently belong.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I Have a New Favorite Band, and Everyone Should Care


Orgcore: (ORGcore) n: a subgenre of punk rock noted for its gruff, but melodic vocals and bearded band members. Made famous on the internet website, punknews.org, which is made up of fat dudes with beards who listen to Hot Water Music exclusively.


For the past five years, a band that very narrowly fits the orgcore tag has consistently been at the top of my list of favorite bands. But not today! Today marks the first time since high School that that hasn't been true.


So, congratulations Black Lips, you've usurped an entire genre. Keep up the good work.

Edit: I mean, of course, currently existing band. Even Black Lips would have to double and redouble efforts to get anywhere within miles of the Replacements.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Some notes apropos of the Expendables.


Jesus pig-fucking Christ. I'll admit that I am prone to hyperbole, but I just saw a band that I am willing to call the worst on the fucking planet. The Expendables (or facepalm: the band) are some horrid sublime rip off band with more metallic tendencies from Santa Cruz, CA; and they suck. They suck the living soul out of me. God! I hate them, and here are just a few of the reasons why.

1) Sublime sucked to begin with. To rip them off is unfathomably shitty. It's a level of shitty that not even most shit gets to. Fuck man, if there is one sublime rip off band, then there are too many. Leave reggae alone you ex-hippie, beach going burnouts. Bob Marley is turning over in his grave, putting pressure on his toe, and screaming out in agony for two reasons now. Fucking piss!

2) Jeff Ott has interesting things to say, but I hate his fucking voice, don't copy him.

3) I don't want to get personal or anything, but the Will Sasso looking guy playing bass was drinking Keystone Light. That shit is for retards with too much money but not enough class.

4) Nice Date Rape shirt, Ric Voss looking mother fucker playing guitar. You're doubly a prick because you acted like you were really blowing minds with your solos, but it was literally all guitar effects. Shit head.

5) Quote of the night right here: "Who here has blown a line of cocaine of the devil's boner!?" Man, go fuck yourself.

In closing, I have one word for the fellows in the Expendables: VANFLIP.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Oh SHIT!

I just got the best news. The Mummies are doing a reunion show in Hoboken! Ticket = teh boughtzorz. This is the best news ever. Everyone be happy for me now!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Black Lips still Rule

Just checking in. Things haven't changed since August about Black Lips. They still rule. I saw them Saturday night. The new record rips. Buy it or we aren't friends.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I love Stumble Upon

This makes me happy.

Ben Gibbard has to Die


You heard me readers, the frontman for Death Cab for Cutie and the Postal Service must die --preferably a cold, lonely painful death; but I'm not picky. And if you must know why, you can do the following two things: Listen to his PAINFULLY BORING music, or go to Zooey Deschanel's wikipedia page.

You have three days.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

http://idolator.com/5156528/at-what-point-does-the-fake-announcement-for-rock-of-love-danzig-cross-the-line-from-plausible-to-too-crazy-even-for-vh1

He's still Glenn Danzig, mother fucker.

Last Caress of Love


So, according to VH1, a fella from Lodi New Jersey named Glenn Danzig will be on the new season of Rock of Love. This is great. He better do to these girls what he claimed to do to Jacqueline Kennedy in the Misfits' great "Bullet." He's Glenn Danzig, motherfucker!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Two Years

Ladies and Gentlemen of my readership; today, February 8, 2009, marks the second anniversary of what (at least according to E!'s coverage) must have been America's greatest tragedy. So today, kind readers, remember Anna. God knows it shouldn't be hard. She's had such a huge impact on every one of our lives. Today I'm going to take trimspa and Quaaludes in her honor. Don't let the holy love of Anna Nicole Smith leave your heart.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Knee Jerk

So some guy was just on CNN talking about Guantanamo Bay, and I just have some things that need to be said about it.

Okay, the guy lost his son on 9/11. That's terrible. I had people close to me die on 9/11 too. The people who did that were bad people, and I definitely understand being upset at the masterminds, but guess what, the people in Gitmo weren't the masterminds of 9/11. They weren't anything. They were SUSPECTS. Do you know how American Justice works guy? It doesn't work like, "These guys have the same religious faith as 19 fanatics who flew planes into some buildings killing 3000 people, let's lock them up." It goes like this, "We think you may have done something, let's present the facts of what happened to a bunch of people and see what they think." That stuff didn't happen.

Here's another thing. What does jihad mean? Do you know? Because I do, and when you said it, I got the impression that you don't. Jihad means any struggle for the faith of Islam. Literally every muslim has a "jihad," but that doesn't mean they need to be locked up or they'll kill innocent Americans.

UGH! I know it isn't fair to take on one idiot with a big mouth, but 1) it's bullshit that they gave this guy time on CNN because he was obviously not informed AT ALL, 2) no patriotic American can support the existence of the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center. It goes against everything we believe. The Constitution has been fine about the due course of law for nearly 220 years. So anyone who is pissed that Guantanamo Bay is closing while flying the American flag is a hypocrite.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Cash, Money, Hoes


I'm selling some records.

This is based on only a cursory glance at my record collection of shit I don't listen to. I don't expect to fetch much, but I'm gonna need cash.

7"
The 4-Squares - Madman: Hardcore tinged punk from some dudes in Chicago. played once

Melvins - Hooch 7" picture disk. Played a few times, no art. This thing is pretty rare though.

Nirvana - Sliver bw Dive: Like anyone here wants this. Played once.

Pinhead Gunpowder - Fahizah EP: Like anyone doesn't have this. Played once. I like it, but not enough really.

12"

Roxy Music - Manifesto: This blows. I got it used.

Scritti Politti - Perfect Way: This also blows. I got this used too.

Nirvana - In Utero: Played once. What a shit pile.

Mudhoney - My Brother the Cow: Played twice.

Less Than Jake - Good Bye Blue and White: White Vinyl. Played Once. Not excited enough by this record.

Lagrecia - On Parallels: Seriously, don't care about this one anymore. It's the metallic grey one. Played once.

Horace Pinker - Power Tools: Bluish Green. I got it used.

Richard Hell and the Voidoids - Blank Generation: It's on Red. Played once. Don't care for it.

Defiance, Ohio - The Fear, The Fear, The Fear: Blue with black and white shit in there. Played once, didn't care for it.

Defiance, Ohio - The Great Depression: Maroon. Played once, liked it, but not more than I like affording food.

Crass - The Feeding of the 5000: Played maybe 5 times. I'm not a fifteen year-old self-proclaimed anarchist, so this doesn't do much for me anymore.

The Clash - Combat Rock: I got this used, need the money way more than I need to listen to this.

Circle Jerks - Group Sex: Blue Vinyl. Played once. Not in love with this record. Never was. Black Flag was the better band.

Avail - Satiate: Played once. I bought it from the guy in North Lincoln if that makes it more of a collector's item. I liked it, but not enough.

American Steel - Destroy Their Future: Okay, I didn't like this, make of that what you will. I played it once.

If you are interested in any of this, name your price and we can figure it out. I spent $250 for my comedy troupe last semester, and may not be getting that money back, so I'm sort of scrambling. Contact me in the comments.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Ted Haggard: Heterosexual with Complications


Bullshit. I mean seriously, you had sex with a male prostitute/crystal meth dealer AND masturbated in front of a teenage boy from your church. Then you admit that you've struggled with these feelings since high school? Guess what, Ted: you are a homosexual. That is what that means. There is no such thing as "Heterosexual with complications." Your sexuality is not a facebook relationship.

Here is where this gets me though. In the eyes of this dickwad, homosexuality is a sin, a sin that will send its sinner to a deep part of hell. So is adultery. But those are beside the point because if there is a God, He doesn't care about where your dick goes really (though the adultery thing is pretty fucked up). What He'd really pissed off is that while you are going around finding gay crystal meth dealers with whom to have sex and do crystal meth, you were trying to control the U.S. government to create policies that actively persecute that gay crystal meth dealer.

To the rest of the world: If Ted Haggard is right, and there is this very specific vision of hell going down, we can all rest assured that he will be in a far worse part of it than the sodomites. As a schismatic, he'll be forced to walk in a circle for all eternity where at one point he is cut nearly in half, then painfully heals until he reaches that point again. Thank God for loopholes.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Oh man, not this again!

So seriously, Brian Fallon.

That's all.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Yo, seriously

Green Day rules. I don't know why I always go through the "oh I was a kid then" thing with these guys, but they write some seriously good punk rock. Some day they'll be in the conversation with Ramones and the Clash.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Innauguration Day

So today, a guy I like is becoming the President. I think it's pretty cool, personally. It's at the very least a step in the right direction for the country, and it will set "race" (race isn't a real thing folks, it's an arbitrary set of features that some dudes from Europe created to be able to enslave the formerly non-christians that they turned into christians, but this is another topic for another jazzebration) relations in this country forward by leaps and bounds.

But I just want to get something out there that's been on my mind for a while. Through the course of my political and philosophical wanderings, I have seen politics from a number of perspectives, and I am just now content to lay my philosophy out. There will always be rulers and there will always be the ruled. If that isn't the case, we're all going to revert to killing each other to get basic needs, and just sort of generally being shitty.

There is only so much that each person is capable of controlling in the realm of big P politics, and opinions differ greatly on what each person's effect should be. I think the break down of left and right has gotten silly because we all basically have the same goals, just different ways we want to go about achieving them.

So I intend to buck big P politics. That's not to say I won't participate, I believe that's important. But to think that I have the power to change the relationship between the rulers and the ruled is ridiculous. I want to focus on the little things that I can change, that we all can change. The biggest weapon any one person wields is their money, so know where your money goes, donate to charity. If you don't like corporations, don't give them your money; buy from smaller suppliers. And basically, don't be a dick.

I hope Barack Obama can help change the bigger stuff. That's why I voted for him. Me, I'm just going to try to not be a dick.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sarah Palin

So, this lady hasn't disappeared, and I'm starting to worry that she won't disappear. All the exaggerations from the election period aside, this woman represents everything bad about the right in this country. Anyway, this website has some funny stuff on it. Thanks McCain. For all the things you've done in your political career, this is at the top of the "Man, What the fuck, man?!" list.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

RIP Ron Asheton

So Ron Asheton was found dead today. Listen to Fun House real loud.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Asshats of the year!

So, list 2.

This one is for asshats of the year.

5. Ben Weasel - He has worked with the All American Rejects in the past yet had the unmitigated gall to call the Lawrence Arms the worst band in the world. The man who wrote such insightful lyrics as "You smelly butt, why don't you go away?" compared the Lawrence Arms' lyrics to High School Poetry.

4. Anyone who voted for John McCain - You're only asshats now. It would be much worse if he had won.

3. Dan Grabauskas - Fuck him. You all should know why.

2. That asshat from Shaw's - See my letter to him.

1. Kevin Bright - This guy did some shit, created friends, created Joey, then had to go back to his old college (Emerson, which I am attending) to ruin the educational experiences of all those who cross his path. I worked with him, and I hate him. He is on a very shortlist of all time asshats. Fuck him until he bleeds.