John's Blog: A Jazzebration

Zen Arcade

2009-07-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today (as far as my fairly extensive research can tell) marks the twenty-fifth anniversary of my favorite album of all time, Zen Arcade by Hüsker Dü. This record marks a turning point for rock music that may have defined it for the past quarter century. Sure, maybe some band would have stepped in and done what Hüsker Dü did, but it wasn't another band that did it. This is the moment where the seething anger and discomfort and unplaceable angst of hardcore punk met the pop songwriting and drug soaked psychedelia of the mid sixties. When you listen to Zen Arcade, you listen to one of several benchmarks in the creation of alternative rock, but one that absolutely creates its ethical and aesthetic basis.

Let's start from the beginning. Rock and roll started as rebellion. Kids danced and smoked marijuana to early rock tunes. Motion pictures were made decrying its evils. But by the end of the fifties, much of rock's stigma had been taken away by white artists singing about holding hands or even less threatening sounding euphemisms. And so, rock and roll became mindless pablum. There, however, remained something of a threat (see the FBI's investigation of the lyrics of "Louie Louie" for instance). Bands, most of whom tended to stay just below the mainstream radar, made penetrating music that challenged the listener's concept of what music was supposed to mean and who could make it. The work of these musicians finally seemed to culminate in the late 70s when punk bands like the Ramones and the Clash and Sex Pistols made more significant moves into the mainstream conciousness, but most audiences thought of this as little more than an obnoxious, anti-disco fad.

However, there were kids all over the US who heard the Ramones and found something in their simplicity and unforgiving speed. It was a chance meeting of two of these kids in a record store in Minnesota that made music history.

Bob Mould and Grant Hart met when Mould was away at MacCalester College. Hart worked at a record store where Mould often shopped. A friendship bloomed around their mutual love of the Beatles and the Ramones. Eventually Hart and Mould would smoke pot together and listen to records. This relationship led to the formation of a cover band with Greg Norton on bass, and some other guy on electric keyboard. After an impromptu session of shouting random foreign language phrases, the band came up with the name Hüsker Dü, Norwegian/Danish for "do you remember." The umlauts were later added for a more metallic effect. The keyboard player was very shortly thereafter dropped, and the band finally solidified.

A single and live LP followed. They were signed by the Minutemen's New Alliance records, and then Black Flag's SST. There first official output for SST was an EP/mini-album titled Metal Circus. On this record's seven tracks, the band began to incorporate a little more melody into their songwriting. But halfway into mixing the album, the power went out in the studio and much of the material was lost.

More determined than ever, the band set to writing new material throughout a summer in Minneapolis. According to drummer/vocalist Grant Hart, the acid in MPLS was particularly good that summer. Ideas began to gel, and songs began to formulate. It was time to record the tracks for Spot and SST.

And so, in a period of about a week and a half, the entire, sprawling double LP was recorded and mixed at SST's studios in Hermosa Beach, CA. All but two of the songs were recorded in one take.

The record was delayed so that it could be released simultaneously with SST's other equally ambitions double LP, the Minutemen's Double Nickels on the Dime. The wait, I can only assume, was worth it.

The result of tight rehearsal, quick recording, and masterful writing, Zen Arcade represents the absolute pinnacle of what hardcore was possible of and clears a path for new exploration that would later become alternative rock. It's music is poppy, but maintains a level of aggression that can speak to the ostracized teenager to whom the story of the album seems dedicated.

Oh yeah, this shit is a concept album. A kid recognizes a world at home beyond his control and understanding, so he runs away. He experiments with drugs, sex, and organized religion. He witnesses death and destruction and all the horrors of the human condition only to come back home and maybe wake up from some sort of dream.

Basically this album is perfect. While certainly the ultimate product of early 80s hardcore, more than most records of that era, it stands the test of time. More than any record before or since, it captures the spirit of the tortured youth in this country. And as long as the country produces young people, they will be tortured. And as long as those things are true, this country will need Zen Arcade and records like it.

More Stand Up

2009-07-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

This video is my least favorite of mine.

Some Thoughts on Last Night's Fake Problems Show

2009-07-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

As per the request of the gentleman at the helm of one of my favorite blogs, I am expanding upon some thoughts I tweeted from the Fake Problems show on July 2 the year of our lord 2009 at Cambridge, MA's The Middle East. This will mostly be a review of the show with some special attention spent on the mongoloids behind me.

I went, as often I do due to my lack of punk rock friends, to this show alone. I sort of walked through the sparse crowd and decided to stand at the front corner of the stage.

The first band was a very young looking local band called Quixote. It took me a while to warm up to them. For the first couple of songs I was sort of fixated on the fact that the only one who looked like he was into it was the drummer. But the longer their set went on, the more I got into the groove of their music. My first thought was "Fake Problems on Valium." That turned out to be less than fair because with the exception of the guitarist and keyboard player, everyone was into it by the end. The songs seemed to be well written and were driven by danceable drum beats and a folkishly punk rest of the band. The guitarist, however, was distractingly not into it.

Next, another local band, Movers and Shakers took the stage. They played some seriously awesome sort of rootsy, sort of country, sort of punk rock and roll tunes. Their songs weren't super energetic, but the band was totally into it. A good point of comparison would be if Chuck Ragan sang for Lucero maybe. I didn't get too good a read on the other singer's voice. A little higher pitched, but not immediately placeable. The one drawback for these guys was that their keyboard was set up right in front of me and I couldn't see for shit.

Here's when the morons behind me made their presence known. There was a sort of crusty looking kid with dreds standing next to me during movers and shakers, and I have this sort of unfair visceral reaction against dreds. So there's one point against him from the get go. His friends show up, and start taking a whole hell of a lot of pictures. Like, way too many considering there isn't a band on stage. They're just taking pictures of each other in a dark club. One of the friends reached around hella far to give the dredded kid bunny ears in one of the pictures.

Then another two kids, recent transplants from Florida as I soon extrapolated, came over. "Hey, I'm about to take a picture of that kid," says the dredded kid's female friend from behind me. "Give him bunny ears."

"Sure, I don't give a FUCK!" shouts one of the Floridians in response.

At this point I try to shut off because I can tell a total retard-fest is about to start behind me, but here are a few delicious tidbits I picked up. Keep in mind, these are real things, real people said.

"Yeah me and this kid got kicked out of Orlando because we got too drunk."

"I'm like, 'yeah, fuck it! I'll smoke a blunt'"

"Yeah, he once smoked crack."

"I'm like, 'yeah, fuck it! I'll do meth.'"

It was soon after that gem of a fact came out that the gentleman who repeatedly made reference to the miniscule amount of fucks he gave had recently turned 21. And here's the kicker. This is the type of behavior that makes me wish I could carry a concealed weapon. The date of his birth was June 19. "Holy shit, that's my birthday too! We need to be friends now, if only birthday friends." UGH! I mean really, these were the types of people who were lifestyle punks which I, personally, think is kind of stupid, but whatever, beside the point. Anyway, if you're a lifestyle punk, you don't say the same sort of vapid shit that the high school cheerleaders say to each other in the cafeteria or else you're a hypocrite. Though this is punk rock, I guess that comes with the territory.

Anyway, back to the show. Kiss Kiss took a half an hour to set up, putting in my head the idea that I would possibly have to choose between missing the bus and missing Fake Problems. As a result, I didn't pay attention to them short of feeling a little bad when I could tell they saw that I was looking at them really angrily.

Fake Problems took the stage at pretty much exactly 12:15, roared through a just plain old amazing fucking set. Though Casey Lee was absent due to a family emergency, which eliminated the lead parts on songs. It affected my enjoyment, but only a little bit as the rest of the band really kicked up the energy level by a lot. They ended their set proper with "Heart BPM" off this year's It's Great to be Alive which is really a pretty fucking perfect song. They left stage for all of like 30 seconds, and played a real sweaty rendition of my favorite one song into the next of just about all time "Astronaut" into "Crest on the Chest." It was truly truly fucking awesome.

And I made my bus, so Kiss Kiss is forgiven.

Some thoughts on Dante Stallworth.

2009-06-19T08:11:00.001-07:00

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth killed a man. At best, he is guilty of manslaughter, and legally, he is guilty of homicide. If you drink and get behind the wheel of a car, you made a premeditated decision to put other people's lives in danger. If the victim's family decided it was better not to pursue a harsher sentence for Mr. Stallworth, then that's their prerogative. But the NFL has to step up and show some back bone on this one.
Public opinion of the NFL is in a weird place. Many high-profile players have gotten in legal trouble for all kinds of offenses (Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress, and Ray Lewis to name some more salient examples), and Roger Goodell keeps talking about having less tolerance for these kinds of things. So why let a man who admitted to killing someone play again?
I, for one, would probably have been happier to know that Stallworth was sentenced to more than a month in jail for what is legally defined as murder, but it is obviously not my place to say, and I obviously don't know all the facts of the case. But the NFL has to take serious disciplinary action against Stallworth to try and salvage whatever little bit of responsibility is possible.

A Rant that I Hope to Never Have to Repeat

2009-06-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching Sportscenter right now, and I'm sure no one reading this cares either way, but they're telling the story of Charismatic, a thoroughbred horse that nearly won the triple crown, that's stuck at a farm in Japan. Peta is afraid that the horse will be killed at a slaughterhouse there. You bet it will be! That's what happens to horses. I'm sorry, but if you have a problem with horses being killed, then stop supporting the sport of horse racing! Also, stop eating meat. Nearly all thoroughbred horses are killed, and every piece of meat you eat was killed in a similar matter.

I forget if I linked to this already.

2009-05-25T22:53:00.000-07:00

My stand up:

ATTN: CT Readers

2009-05-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

Connecticut is awful. It's so grey and boring and stupid and crappy looking. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pee on Connecticut.

Paul Westerberg

2009-04-26T07:29:00.001-07:00

Man, how do you write a song as good as "Answering Machine?" I guess you have to be Paul Westerberg.

URGH!

2009-04-19T18:22:00.001-07:00

I hope the guy who left his laundry in the dryer at the laundromat and got mad at me when I took it out so I could get my fucking laundry done before the place closes dies in a fire. Fuck you. Fuck you a lot. You owe me all the quarters I lost in my angry explosion. Seriously, fucking die!

The Replacements

2009-03-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

Man, today I was listening to Let It Be, and it just hit me. I've loved that record since the second I heard it, but something new hit me today about it. It's sort of hard to describe, but the best I can put it is this:

Music is important to me. I love a lot of bands a lot. But this record makes me excited. I have no idea how better to say that, but for damn near two years now, I'm still like a kid listening to punk rock for the first time when I hear those songs. The Replacements rule so hard.

I did Stand-up

2009-03-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot to blog this sooner, but it was a pretty big deal for me. I did stand-up comedy for the first time on Friday and it was pretty fucking great. Thank you to Cheap Sox and Tufts University for setting that whole thing up and to E-Money Fleischinator for making me be involved.

What's the deal with airline food?
Am I right?

P.S. Please be sure to keep up with We Do Stand-Up, a loose group of comics to which I apparently belong.

I Have a New Favorite Band, and Everyone Should Care

2009-03-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Orgcore: (ORGcore) n: a subgenre of punk rock noted for its gruff, but melodic vocals and bearded band members. Made famous on the internet website, punknews.org, which is made up of fat dudes with beards who listen to Hot Water Music exclusively.

For the past five years, a band that very narrowly fits the orgcore tag has consistently been at the top of my list of favorite bands. But not today! Today marks the first time since high School that that hasn't been true.

So, congratulations Black Lips, you've usurped an entire genre. Keep up the good work.

Edit: I mean, of course, currently existing band. Even Black Lips would have to double and redouble efforts to get anywhere within miles of the Replacements.

Some notes apropos of the Expendables.

2009-03-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Jesus pig-fucking Christ. I'll admit that I am prone to hyperbole, but I just saw a band that I am willing to call the worst on the fucking planet. The Expendables (or facepalm: the band) are some horrid sublime rip off band with more metallic tendencies from Santa Cruz, CA; and they suck. They suck the living soul out of me. God! I hate them, and here are just a few of the reasons why.

1) Sublime sucked to begin with. To rip them off is unfathomably shitty. It's a level of shitty that not even most shit gets to. Fuck man, if there is one sublime rip off band, then there are too many. Leave reggae alone you ex-hippie, beach going burnouts. Bob Marley is turning over in his grave, putting pressure on his toe, and screaming out in agony for two reasons now. Fucking piss!

2) Jeff Ott has interesting things to say, but I hate his fucking voice, don't copy him.

3) I don't want to get personal or anything, but the Will Sasso looking guy playing bass was drinking Keystone Light. That shit is for retards with too much money but not enough class.

4) Nice Date Rape shirt, Ric Voss looking mother fucker playing guitar. You're doubly a prick because you acted like you were really blowing minds with your solos, but it was literally all guitar effects. Shit head.

5) Quote of the night right here: "Who here has blown a line of cocaine of the devil's boner!?" Man, go fuck yourself.

In closing, I have one word for the fellows in the Expendables: VANFLIP.

Oh SHIT!

2009-03-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

I just got the best news. The Mummies are doing a reunion show in Hoboken! Ticket = teh boughtzorz. This is the best news ever. Everyone be happy for me now!

Black Lips still Rule

2009-03-13T10:49:00.001-07:00

Just checking in. Things haven't changed since August about Black Lips. They still rule. I saw them Saturday night. The new record rips. Buy it or we aren't friends.

I love Stumble Upon

2009-03-04T22:05:00.001-08:00

This makes me happy.

Ben Gibbard has to Die

2009-03-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

You heard me readers, the frontman for Death Cab for Cutie and the Postal Service must die --preferably a cold, lonely painful death; but I'm not picky. And if you must know why, you can do the following two things: Listen to his PAINFULLY BORING music, or go to Zooey Deschanel's wikipedia page.

You have three days.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-02-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

http://idolator.com/5156528/at-what-point-does-the-fake-announcement-for-rock-of-love-danzig-cross-the-line-from-plausible-to-too-crazy-even-for-vh1

He's still Glenn Danzig, mother fucker.

Last Caress of Love

2009-02-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

So, according to VH1, a fella from Lodi New Jersey named Glenn Danzig will be on the new season of Rock of Love. This is great. He better do to these girls what he claimed to do to Jacqueline Kennedy in the Misfits' great "Bullet." He's Glenn Danzig, motherfucker!

Two Years

2009-02-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of my readership; today, February 8, 2009, marks the second anniversary of what (at least according to E!'s coverage) must have been America's greatest tragedy. So today, kind readers, remember Anna. God knows it shouldn't be hard. She's had such a huge impact on every one of our lives. Today I'm going to take trimspa and Quaaludes in her honor. Don't let the holy love of Anna Nicole Smith leave your heart.

Knee Jerk

2009-02-06T05:07:00.001-08:00

So some guy was just on CNN talking about Guantanamo Bay, and I just have some things that need to be said about it.

Okay, the guy lost his son on 9/11. That's terrible. I had people close to me die on 9/11 too. The people who did that were bad people, and I definitely understand being upset at the masterminds, but guess what, the people in Gitmo weren't the masterminds of 9/11. They weren't anything. They were SUSPECTS. Do you know how American Justice works guy? It doesn't work like, "These guys have the same religious faith as 19 fanatics who flew planes into some buildings killing 3000 people, let's lock them up." It goes like this, "We think you may have done something, let's present the facts of what happened to a bunch of people and see what they think." That stuff didn't happen.

Here's another thing. What does jihad mean? Do you know? Because I do, and when you said it, I got the impression that you don't. Jihad means any struggle for the faith of Islam. Literally every muslim has a "jihad," but that doesn't mean they need to be locked up or they'll kill innocent Americans.

UGH! I know it isn't fair to take on one idiot with a big mouth, but 1) it's bullshit that they gave this guy time on CNN because he was obviously not informed AT ALL, 2) no patriotic American can support the existence of the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center. It goes against everything we believe. The Constitution has been fine about the due course of law for nearly 220 years. So anyone who is pissed that Guantanamo Bay is closing while flying the American flag is a hypocrite.

Cash, Money, Hoes

2009-02-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

I'm selling some records.

This is based on only a cursory glance at my record collection of shit I don't listen to. I don't expect to fetch much, but I'm gonna need cash.

7"
The 4-Squares - Madman: Hardcore tinged punk from some dudes in Chicago. played once

Melvins - Hooch 7" picture disk. Played a few times, no art. This thing is pretty rare though.

Nirvana - Sliver bw Dive: Like anyone here wants this. Played once.

Pinhead Gunpowder - Fahizah EP: Like anyone doesn't have this. Played once. I like it, but not enough really.

12"

Roxy Music - Manifesto: This blows. I got it used.

Scritti Politti - Perfect Way: This also blows. I got this used too.

Nirvana - In Utero: Played once. What a shit pile.

Mudhoney - My Brother the Cow: Played twice.

Less Than Jake - Good Bye Blue and White: White Vinyl. Played Once. Not excited enough by this record.

Lagrecia - On Parallels: Seriously, don't care about this one anymore. It's the metallic grey one. Played once.

Horace Pinker - Power Tools: Bluish Green. I got it used.

Richard Hell and the Voidoids - Blank Generation: It's on Red. Played once. Don't care for it.

Defiance, Ohio - The Fear, The Fear, The Fear: Blue with black and white shit in there. Played once, didn't care for it.

Defiance, Ohio - The Great Depression: Maroon. Played once, liked it, but not more than I like affording food.

Crass - The Feeding of the 5000: Played maybe 5 times. I'm not a fifteen year-old self-proclaimed anarchist, so this doesn't do much for me anymore.

The Clash - Combat Rock: I got this used, need the money way more than I need to listen to this.

Circle Jerks - Group Sex: Blue Vinyl. Played once. Not in love with this record. Never was. Black Flag was the better band.

Avail - Satiate: Played once. I bought it from the guy in North Lincoln if that makes it more of a collector's item. I liked it, but not enough.

American Steel - Destroy Their Future: Okay, I didn't like this, make of that what you will. I played it once.

If you are interested in any of this, name your price and we can figure it out. I spent $250 for my comedy troupe last semester, and may not be getting that money back, so I'm sort of scrambling. Contact me in the comments.

Ted Haggard: Heterosexual with Complications

2009-01-30T04:46:00.000-08:00

Bullshit. I mean seriously, you had sex with a male prostitute/crystal meth dealer AND masturbated in front of a teenage boy from your church. Then you admit that you've struggled with these feelings since high school? Guess what, Ted: you are a homosexual. That is what that means. There is no such thing as "Heterosexual with complications." Your sexuality is not a facebook relationship.

Here is where this gets me though. In the eyes of this dickwad, homosexuality is a sin, a sin that will send its sinner to a deep part of hell. So is adultery. But those are beside the point because if there is a God, He doesn't care about where your dick goes really (though the adultery thing is pretty fucked up). What He'd really pissed off is that while you are going around finding gay crystal meth dealers with whom to have sex and do crystal meth, you were trying to control the U.S. government to create policies that actively persecute that gay crystal meth dealer.

To the rest of the world: If Ted Haggard is right, and there is this very specific vision of hell going down, we can all rest assured that he will be in a far worse part of it than the sodomites. As a schismatic, he'll be forced to walk in a circle for all eternity where at one point he is cut nearly in half, then painfully heals until he reaches that point again. Thank God for loopholes.

Oh man, not this again!

2009-01-25T22:49:00.000-08:00

So seriously, Brian Fallon.

That's all.

Yo, seriously

2009-01-24T18:28:00.000-08:00

Green Day rules. I don't know why I always go through the "oh I was a kid then" thing with these guys, but they write some seriously good punk rock. Some day they'll be in the conversation with Ramones and the Clash.

Innauguration Day

2009-01-20T08:08:00.000-08:00

So today, a guy I like is becoming the President. I think it's pretty cool, personally. It's at the very least a step in the right direction for the country, and it will set "race" (race isn't a real thing folks, it's an arbitrary set of features that some dudes from Europe created to be able to enslave the formerly non-christians that they turned into christians, but this is another topic for another jazzebration) relations in this country forward by leaps and bounds.

But I just want to get something out there that's been on my mind for a while. Through the course of my political and philosophical wanderings, I have seen politics from a number of perspectives, and I am just now content to lay my philosophy out. There will always be rulers and there will always be the ruled. If that isn't the case, we're all going to revert to killing each other to get basic needs, and just sort of generally being shitty.

There is only so much that each person is capable of controlling in the realm of big P politics, and opinions differ greatly on what each person's effect should be. I think the break down of left and right has gotten silly because we all basically have the same goals, just different ways we want to go about achieving them.

So I intend to buck big P politics. That's not to say I won't participate, I believe that's important. But to think that I have the power to change the relationship between the rulers and the ruled is ridiculous. I want to focus on the little things that I can change, that we all can change. The biggest weapon any one person wields is their money, so know where your money goes, donate to charity. If you don't like corporations, don't give them your money; buy from smaller suppliers. And basically, don't be a dick.

I hope Barack Obama can help change the bigger stuff. That's why I voted for him. Me, I'm just going to try to not be a dick.

Sarah Palin

2009-01-14T17:20:00.000-08:00

So, this lady hasn't disappeared, and I'm starting to worry that she won't disappear. All the exaggerations from the election period aside, this woman represents everything bad about the right in this country. Anyway, this website has some funny stuff on it. Thanks McCain. For all the things you've done in your political career, this is at the top of the "Man, What the fuck, man?!" list.

RIP Ron Asheton

2009-01-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

So Ron Asheton was found dead today. Listen to Fun House real loud.

Asshats of the year!

2009-01-01T01:13:00.000-08:00

So, list 2.

This one is for asshats of the year.

5. Ben Weasel - He has worked with the All American Rejects in the past yet had the unmitigated gall to call the Lawrence Arms the worst band in the world. The man who wrote such insightful lyrics as "You smelly butt, why don't you go away?" compared the Lawrence Arms' lyrics to High School Poetry.

4. Anyone who voted for John McCain - You're only asshats now. It would be much worse if he had won.

3. Dan Grabauskas - Fuck him. You all should know why.

2. That asshat from Shaw's - See my letter to him.

1. Kevin Bright - This guy did some shit, created friends, created Joey, then had to go back to his old college (Emerson, which I am attending) to ruin the educational experiences of all those who cross his path. I worked with him, and I hate him. He is on a very shortlist of all time asshats. Fuck him until he bleeds.

Alright, let's fucking do this

2008-12-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

Alright dildos and dildettes, here it is, my year end list because I'm bored and have some stuff to say about these. No real surprises, and I should maybe have listened to a few more records and stuff. I only get records that I'm pretty sure I'm going to like, so keep that in mind. Here's my top ten plus bonus materials.

10.) The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

Hipster-approved punk? The best bar-band in America? I don't know really. Those kinds of labels aren't really gonna help with the Hold Steady. They simply create some of the best classic rock infused pop music available. Here they expand their musical pallet a bit with strange instrumentation (I think there's a harpsichord, but I don't know a harpsichord from a lyre anyway), country flares (see "Lord, I'm Discouraged"), and a heavy Hüsker Dü influence ("Constructive Summer"'s title and guitar tones). The lyrical themes have gone from tales of partying, drugs, and holy salvation to the slow process of growing up. There are heavy doses of nostalgia on this record's four sides (or one if you're a douche who still buys CDs [or none if you're a mega-douche who relies on mp3s]) that take form lyrically as opposed to musically. Craig Finn and company are in rare form, and it's still pretty great to drink to.

9.) Dillinger Four - C I V I L W A R

Six years in the making, Minneapolis' reigning punk kings make their triumphant return to wax and ones and zeroes with this one. These guys have never been reinventing the punk rock wheel, and I don't think they ever will, but this time around the Four are at their peak as performers. Paddy and Erik's voices have improved greatly since their early singles (thanks in part to Erik quitting smoking) and it gives the album a certain professional feel that was absent from the earlier recordings. The lyrics here have also made some advances. Hell, one of the songs ("Gainesville") is happy. What the fuck? What more do I really need to say? It's a new record from Dillinger Four.

8.) The Riot Before - Fists Buried in Pockets

This band puts out some of the best folk-infused punk rock out there. Somehow they've been pegged as a folk-punk band which I think is a bit off, but whatever. Brett writes really insightful lyrics of both political and personal natures. The band's lightly distorted folky strumming underneath the decidedly punk vocals are one of the best examples of the currently popular formula. I, admittedly, have not been listening to this record as closely as most of the others on this list, so my wealth of information on it is pretty much spent, but it is most certainly an entertaining punk rock record.

7.) Paint it Black - New Lexicon

You ever been angry? Dan Yemin apparently has, and apparently more so than you, or I, or really anyone since Henry Rollins. Sure there has been angrier music made between Black Flag's demise and this record, but man, that shit ain't half as real as this. This is hardcore at its best: an expression of emotions without phony layers of artifice. It's pounding, bass-heavy rythms drive the thoughtful and very well written lyrics with great emotional intensity. Mr. Yemin rails against religious hypocrisy, hopelessness, and corrupt political figures without delving into the simplistic sloganeering that tends to be par for the course in the punk scene. And then there is the production. Oktopus of Dalek adds noisy, bass heavy instrumental parts between tracks adding yet another menacing level of intensity to this already intense album. This is the Damaged of 21st century hardcore.

6.) Jay Reatard - The Matador Singles

Garage Punk doesn't seem like a genre where musicians can grow artistically, but Jay Reatard found a way to expand the parameters. Expanding on the promise of Blood Visions, Reatard released a series of singles for Matador Records in 2008. They were compiled and released as a full-length in October. The songs have a little less of the punk rock kick of 2006's full length, but that allows the great pop songwriting to start shining through. In fact, some songs on here could probably cross over to a more mass-appeal type audience if not for the subject matter and offensive artist name (see "Ugly Death"). But what's even more surprising is the presence of acoustic based songs. With these Reatard shows just how versatile he is, capturing the listeners attention without shredding licks and heavy distortion. Hell, "You Were Sleeping," is downright beatiful. Look out for a full length from this dude sometime in '09.

5.) Off With Their Heads - From the Bottom

Never has pop-punk been so depressingly great. In this gem, also from Minneapolis, Off With Their Heads rips through twelve stories of one of Minneapolis bands' favorite subjects: glorious loserdom. Songs here run the gambit from being about how lead singer, Ryan Young, represents everything you hate about yourself ("I am You") to the manipulative nature of the American News media ("Terrorist Attack?"). Young's gruff delivery over the band's blend of Dillinger Four with a touch of 77 english punk suits the subject matter beautifully. It's all topped with the touching "Hope you Know," a song the band apparently doesn't like, but it ends the album in much the same fashion that "Jackie Lee" ends the Hospitals EP, a sad story that puts all of the other songs in perspective. As much as a fuck up anyone is capable of being, we can hope to redeem ourselves.

4.) King Khan and The Shrines - The Supreme Genius of King Khan and the Shrines

Okay, so all of this stuff has been available in Europe for a while, but this is the band's American debut I believe. Either way, it's fucking great. King Khan was the bass player for Montreal's infamous Spaceshits and their are certainly similarites to the ragged garage-punk they were thrown out of clubs playing here, but this record has way more soul to it. King Khan is something of a Punk-rock/hipster James Brown with his capes and costumes and funky-ass soul band. The songs are funner than hell, and they make you want to shake your ass so furiously that it can actually be confusing. They lyrics add to the fun, soulful atmosphere, dealing with the typical soul fare of love and sexuality with a humorous twist. The guitar work is often reminiscent of the Beatles and Stones at their most experimental, and the vocals ooze soul. If you want to get up and dance, get this fucking record.

3.) Shorebirds - It's Gonna Get Ugly

Ex-Latterman, Ex-Jawbreaker. Need I say more? Probably. This DIY pop-punk record takes off where Latterman left off. The lyrical themes are certainly much less positive, but that's what happens to you as the world slowly beats you down. Here, instead of singing about scene unity and keeping a positive outlook, Matt Canino sings about urban decay and the lethargy that comes with getting older. But he doesn't glorify them. He's scared by some of these changes. I don't really have a lot of academic stuff to say about this record, it's mostly an emotional response to the thing as a whole. What I can say is that "Upside Down" is one of the best punk-rock love songs I've heard in my life. This record is something of a coming of age record. It's a shame they broke up.

2.) Andrew Jackson Jihad - Only God Can Judge Me

In the past year and a half, this band has shot from a band I never heard of to one of my absolute favorites. This record is their best so far. Sean Bonnette's guitar work has progressed from the simple three or four chord patterns of the early records to a bit more intricate progressions. And this record is more dynamic than previous outings. While the furious folky songs on Candy Cigarettes and Capguns were great, here they have added slower, balladic numbers. And with the musical change came a lyrical change. Prior to this, AJJ had written their share of serious songs, but there was a guarded level of humor to them. Here, on songs like "Human Kittens," "Candle in the Wind: Ben's Song" and "Guilt: the Song" the band lets its inner emotions out without hiding it in funny word play. Here they have made the full cycle to an almost Replacements-like combination of funny songs and serious songs, and they do so with only acoustic guitar and stand-up bass.

1.) The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

Like you didn't know this already. I think I've written extensively on this. Right time, right place. These songs are all about escape, and heartbreak, and hoping for more. The boys in Gaslight Anthem have done here what Springsteen did with Born to Run. They have written aabout huge themes and matched it with a huge album. This is guitar-based white-boy soul, and it still brings tears to my eyes every time I listen to it. Brian Fallon's Springsteen after a Jawbreaker bender swoon deliver these adolescent stories of escape and broken hearts maybe even better than the boss could have. I don't know, I wasn't born in 1975, but this record more than makes up for that. These guys are getting tons of press from this record, and they deserve every bit of it. Not only is this my record of the year, but it's still in serious contention for my favorite record ever. Let's hope they keep this up just like the Boss did.

Now that that's done, some stuff that should get mentioned, but won't get a paragraph.

Banner Pilot - Resignation Day

Gnarls Barkley - Odd Couple

The Loved Ones - Build and Burn

And here are a few records that surprised me a lot, but weren't making my list.

Alkaline Trio - Agony and Irony

Less Than Jake - GNV FLA

Best Show:

Hot Water Music, the Lawrence Arms, and Static Radio NJ January 25, 2008 at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, NJ. This was the reunion show for the North East. All three bands killed it.

Best Single Set:

The Gaslight Anthem, August 16, 2008 (day before my birthday!) The Knitting Factory, NY. The record release show. I fucking love this band.

Most anticpated release of 2009:

Right now, either Bruce's new record or Black Lips' new record. But the Lawrence Arms apparently have something down the pipeline, and Propagandhi is always pretty great. It remains to be seen I guess.

That's all.

Happy whatever Holiday.

Just Checking in and Griping About Stuff

2008-12-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

So I'm still alive in case you folks were worried.

Fuck the MBTA still. It still sucks.

Fuck Peter Pan / Greyhound buslines.

Fuck holiday traffic.

Six or Seven is doing pretty good, keep checking up with that.

I probably need a new computer. Doesn't that fucking suck?

My pants are a little bit snugger than they were earlier this fall. That's what saying "Fuck it, it's too cold to run" will do to you.

I'm back on Long Island momentarily.

Have a good holiday, whatever fruity holiday that may be.

Digg Six or Seve Popes Please!

2008-12-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

Readers with Digg.com accounts, please Digg Six or Seven Popes.

http://digg.com/comics_animation/6_or_7_Popes_comic

An Open Letter to That Guy who was Being a Douche at Shaw's

2008-12-06T13:46:00.001-08:00

This is probably my angriest entry. That's saying a lot huh?

Dear Douchebag,

I get it. You're shopping. It sucks. And more than that, you're shopping in a particularly crowded store on a particularly busy day. I'd be pissed too. But when I'm pissed, I write a passive aggressive blog about it, and don't let years of suppressed racism come out.

I wouldn't have been too upset (maybe just a little weirded out) if your dickishness had stopped at asking me "Are you going to stamp me?" when I walked by you with the price gun and said "excuse me." But then a manager made an announcement. Yes, that manager had an accent. Did you have to mutter fake spanish gibberish in a mocking tone? I mean, Christ, the message wasn't for you. You didn't have to understand it. But even that was understandable. Here's where you crossed the line from "pretty big dildo" to "biggest dildo I have yet to deal with at Shaw's." Someone walked by you. I bet she said "excuse me" but even if she didn't, a normal person lets that slide. But not you. "Do you even say excuse me?" you asked. "Yes," the woman replied with a slight accent. This added a new level to your behavior because your tone screamed "does your kind even say excuse me."

So, rich white guy shopping at Shaw's, get fucked. Get fucked and die. I know you don't read this blog, but by publishing it, I put it out into the collective unconcious, and hopefully you will get the message. I hope only the worst things for you, you fetid piece of human trash. Fuck you!

I hate to rag on this one again, but

2008-12-05T19:38:00.000-08:00

Fuck the MBTA. Jesus Christ! A less efficient thing couldn't POSSIBLY exist. It should not take me an hour from leaving my apartment to get to Emerson College. I also shouldn't have to wait 20+ minutes for a T train EVER. It's really such a great fucking scam they've got because there is no reasonable alternative. Boston is most certainly not a driving town, and I certainly am not walking into the downtown area from Brighton. So how do I make a stand against the MBTA and show my displeasure with Boston's public transit? I've decided to launch a campaign of disrespect against Daniel Grabauskas, General Manager of the MBTA. If my readers see pictures of him, deface those pictures. If his name appears on anything you see, make sure to indicate that he sucks. But above all, if you see him in person, make him feel small and useless.

6 or 7 Popes

2008-12-01T04:13:00.000-08:00

So, after months of hard work on the parts of the entire You and What team, 6 or 7 Popes is finally up and running. I command any reader who hasn't already to check it out tout suite! I've put a lot into this, and I'm insanely proud with how it turned out.

http://www.6or7popes.com

All My Sons

2008-11-29T17:00:00.000-08:00

The words wretched abortion of a catastrophe get thrown around a lot these days, and I think they've lost their collective meaning just a touch. But I feel these words perfectly describe the horrors I saw on the stage today.

Arthur Miller, perhaps America's greatest playwright, wrote All My Sons as a scathing indictment of war profiteering and the corruption of American capitalism. The play begs the viewer to acknowledge his/her responsibility for the universe outside him/herself and his/her family. It's by no means a subtle play, but it most certainly powerful.

And this is what confounds me about the production (or more appropriately, massacre) that I witnessed. The play isn't subtle. Its meaning is made crystal clear by the end of the third act. Yet, the director of this production, a one, Simon McBurney, decided to add a few bells and whistles to really grab the dumbass audience's attention.

For starters, everyone was yelling. John Lithgow (Joseph Keller) shouted every single line he had. Many of the cast-members did the same. And on top of the shouting, much of the acting was bad. Take, for example, the Broadway debut of Katie Holmes (Ann Deever). Holy SHIT! I've seen High School actresses perform with more confidence than she did. She didn't know what to do with her hands half the time. And her delivery seemed to say "I don't know what the fuck this play is about." Patrick Wilson (Chris Keller) sucked in a similar manner, but he isn't pretty or married to Tom Cruise, so who cares? The only redeeming acting performance was Diane Wiest (Kate Keller), but man, the fucking shouting.

Then there's the blocking. No single character's movement makes any sense to me. They all just circle around each other incessantly, and walk from one side of the yard to the other with no apparent motivation to do so. Yes, Miller wrote a relatively static play physically. But guess what, this play is about the words! GOD!

Oh! and the fucking projections. What was with the fucking projections? They projected shit onto the back of the stage during the characters' monologues about the war. The words are doing everything. There is no need for the visual accompaniment. Yet we see images of planes and war and shit. And then they throw sound into it. Too much happens during these monologues which are about ONE PERSON SPEAKING! That's why they're monologues. Christ!

I can't even get into the shit about the ending because it will ruin it for you, but man, McBurney fucked the ending really bad. SO fucking bad.

Anyway, fuck Simon McBurney.

D'oh

2008-11-25T19:07:00.001-08:00

I just saw that there is an entry at Urban dictionary for dildonic. Fucking dildos.

Dildo

2008-11-25T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm creating a new word: dildonic.

dil DON ic - adj. - of or relating to dildos.

Kevin Bright is hella dildonic, all creating friends and being a sexist dildo and shit.

Larry was being wicked dildonic at Shaw's on Saturday; he did not wage peace.

I'm like Shakespeare or something.

Seriously, Kevin Bright is a dildo and so is Larry from work.

Actually, to be fair to dildos everywhere, Kevin Bright is way worse than a dildo. There actually isn't any word hateful enough to be what Kevin Bright is. Fuck that guy, and fuck friends.

Larry though, he's just a dildo.

Man, Fuck Bill O'Reilly

2008-11-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

Just fuck him.

MBTA again

2008-11-13T12:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, before we get into this, I want to point out that I have no general problem with the people who work for the MBTA, I just HATE the company they work for.

Today as I went to take the T back from Boylston St. I decided I wanted to get lunch first. That seems reasonable, and I have a monthly pass, so it doesn't cost me anything to go in and out quickly. When I came back with My burrito the card didn't work. I alerted the dude working at the station that I had a monthly pass, but that the T pass reading thing kept saying that the card didn't have sufficient funds. Total bullshit. He informed me that there was a 20 minute time thing between uses. I commented that that was ridiculous (which it is, it's absolutely fucking ridiculous.) He opened the gate for me, and I thanked him. He then said, "You're welcome." Fine, that seems perfectly friendly. As I walked past him he shouted "You're welcome" in that "hey douchebag, you didn't say 'thank you'" way that douchebags do. I replied by saying, VERY ANGRILY that I had already told him "Thank You."

So, T guy, if you read this, fuck you! I take back my thank you. Don't think that just because you work for the company that proves man's infinite weakness that you have the right to be a dick to me. I'm sorry that in the very near future your job will be in jeopardy due to the fact that the MBTA is a fucking blackhole for money, and I'm sorry that you work for a company that sucks so hard that no one pays you a modicum of respect, but Jesus Christ! don't be a dick to me.

I'm not going to let the shittiness of this one guy and the company works for tarnish the view I have of other MBTA workers, but MBTA workers, let him serve as a lesson. Don't be a dick.

Are you fucking serious?

2008-11-09T15:27:00.001-08:00

I saw a tourist take a picture of a pigeon today.

I don't want to get y'all motherfuckers too wound up, but...

2008-11-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

6or7popes.com is up.

Check that shit out and get ready for December 1st.

http://6or7popes.com

Please Don't Vote for John McCain

2008-11-03T14:20:00.000-08:00

Please don't vote for John McCain. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! Essentially you are making this woman president in the near future if you do so. She's crazy! She's absolutely fucking crazy. Also, even if John McCain doesn't die (not likely), he'll have free reign when the next batch of Supreme Court Justices GTFO. Say good by to Roe Vs. Wade. I don't even care if you vote for Obama or not anymore. But don't vote for John McCain! Is Jeremiah Wright the problem? Because he wasn't wrong and Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are far worse people. Are policies the problem? If so, you aren't thinking about them right and I can't change that. Just trust me on the fact that you are wrong. Is race the problem? If so, go kill yourself because if you see things in terms of race you are too stupid to vote, and if you think "race" (which is a societal thing, not a biological thing) makes a man a good or bad leader, you are too stupid to LIVE. So, tomorrow, vote, please, it makes democracy more efficient. But don't vote for McCain.

MAN!

2008-11-02T07:02:00.000-08:00

Fucking...Frank Navetta died. He played guitar on Milo Goes to College! That album is easily in the top ten punk albums, and Mr. Navetta wrote some of my favorite songs on it. Fuck you, mortality!

Some Observations on People who Support John McCain

2008-10-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

So, and granted this is not really based on a whole lot except watching TV and such, I have noticed something about McCain voters that has led me to believe that they are actually stupid and that I haven't just been an elitist liberal prick for thinking so. Okay, ignore the fact that they are more actively trying to divide America into the "real" America and the "not real, pussy-ass commie" America, and that a good percentage of the people speaking for McCain voters in the media think Obama is a Muslim. The real thing that I have heard people say is that Obama will take America in a direction it's never gone. Fucking...seriously? That's a problem?

Listen up. The American economy is on the verge of collapse. People will start losing their jobs and then they can't spend money and then there is no demand for anything and more people will lose jobs. This is what will happen if we don't DRASTICALLY change the way we operate, we're FUCKED! I am at the point now where I really think that people supporting McCain are woefully ignorant.

If McCain wins, we don't deserve democracy because we are obviously not making the effort to be informed. America needs the drastic change that McCain supporters seem to fear. I'm done with respectful disagreement. YOU are the anti-"American" if you support McCain. You are supporting a candidate whose policy will allow America to collapse. You are the naive ones.

New Comic

2008-10-26T19:44:00.001-07:00

I fucking hate the MBTA.

Yo dawgs!

2008-10-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

So, here in the land of the Jazzebration there has been a lot going on. The comedy troupe of which I am a member is working with a guy who created a show that was real popular, let's just call it... Amigos. That dude is a bag of undisclosable contents (he probably reads stuff like this, he's a self-important twat) and I am really beginning to hope for the worst for him. Your humble blogger also has a job now (duh.) It isn't really bad at all, but for some reason I get all anxious and shit just thinking about it. I think having jobs in High School with bosses who got off on being absolute pricks to people a third their age got to me a little bit. I seriously don't want to go to work. Also, 32 hours is FAR TOO MANY HOURS for a FULL TIME STUDENT to work. Anyway, I'm all anxiety-ridden and still kind of realing from a certain trip to a certain midwestern city. Whatever. Not all of this needs to be made public. Expect a new webcomic on Sunday. It's all written and sketched by hand, I just need to do it in paint. Anyway, I am going to anxiety-ify until I fall asleep.

Work

2008-10-21T12:46:00.001-07:00

Is it bad that I actually fear the idea of going to work tomorrow? Man, fuck working so hard. Everyone who reads this should start giving me money. Email me and we can work out a payment plan.

The Funniest Fucking Thing Ever

2008-10-19T17:24:00.000-07:00

So today, as I was walking through the Public Gardens, I saw the funniest thing ever. A girl who was no older than 6 seemed to be feeding a squirrel. Upon closer examination, she was not holding food in her hand, but a rolled up dollar bill.

Work can suck my DICK!

2008-10-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

You know it's funny. I need money, like, a lot of it. Paying for an apartment is a lot more expensive than I had originally realized, and so is eating. But all that considered, I hate the idea that I have work today. Like, HATE it. I think we should petition whoever controls this type of shit to make sure that I have exactly enough money to get everything I want and need. I'd get on that, but I have to work.

This Shit is the Ballin'est (Most Ballin'?)

2008-10-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

New comic.

Guess What!

2008-10-13T10:08:00.001-07:00

I met this guy last night. Suck it!

The MBTA Part One

2008-10-12T22:16:00.000-07:00

This is part of a multiple part series.

Enter Fitzy

2008-10-08T22:47:00.001-07:00

The Party Part Deux

2008-10-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

I need a title for this thing.

Comic part 2

2008-10-07T00:07:00.000-07:00

So the feedback I got from yesterday(today?)'s experiment was positive. Here's the second one. The next few will take place at the same party.

My first attempt at my own webcomic

2008-10-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

I've been reading mad web comics lately, and am currently on the writing team for one that will start running on this here series of tubes later this year. What you see before you is me trying to do my own. It was drawn in paint.

I Yam What I Yam

2008-10-05T10:16:00.001-07:00

Popeye the sailor man has a nephew named poopeye. I find this fact endlessly hilarious.

6 or 7 Popes

2008-10-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

What am I talking about?

Boner Pills

2008-09-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

So, I watch a lot of TV. And a lot of that watching is done late at night. This time is, of course, the best time for peddlers of the less than desirable products that an economy as ridiculously ridiculous as ours advertise.

That leads me to this:

Boner pills. Why don't they just own up? And I'm not talking about the ED pills. I'm talking about shit like ExtenZE. They sort of dance around the fact that they're dick biggeners. "It'll make that special part of a man's body bigger." Can you guys just say you'll make my dick bigger? "ExtenZE: get your dick biggened with our dick biggening pills." I'm not going to buy your product, and your honesty won't change that, but at least I won't feel like you're talking down to me. Fucking christ.

Also of note: those pills stop when you stop using them. Your dick goes back to being puny and ineffectual if you don't take them forever. So don't get fooled.

The Office is Back!

2008-09-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

The Office is back tonight! I can finally feed my (potentially unhealthy) crush on Jenna Fischer without having to watch pretty bad movies! Yay!

PeTA and the whole Crazy Vego Thing.

2008-09-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, so like, seriously PETA, what's going on? I'm on board with the whole "not killing to eat" thing. You're right on with that. Killing animals isn't necessary to our nutrition, so why do it? I agree, and as a result, I don't eat meat. Veganism is something I've considered. It's a big commitment though, so we'll see where life takes me.

But this isn't about me. This is about you. I've had some troubles with you in the past. You guys have worked with Playboy before. Playboy has actively commodified the female body since its inception. Can't we all agree that that's a bad thing? I'm all about stopping animal cruelty, but at the expense of the female body?

Oh, and then the AIDS thing. This one is rich folks. The Vice-President of PeTA has issued a statement saying that they would rather live in a world without a cure for AIDS than have animals mistreated. Okay, I disagree with that statement, but I see what the dude was saying. He went on to cram the foot hovering near the opening in his face far down his veggie-fed gullet. The dude said something along the lines of "AIDS is a disease that can be prevented, so why cure it?" Okay, I'm simplifying, but really, that crosses a line that you shouldn't have crossed dude.

And now there's this gem. Okay, I get it, you want humans to feel the pain that we inpart on animals. But seriously guys, the rest of the world thinks you're a bunch of dicks. And you know what, I tend to agree.

Holy Shit Tits!

2008-09-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

Clay Aiken is gay! Who would've thunk? Next Question: Why is that news?

Think about it.

If you were surprised, you are stupid. If you care, you are stupid.

Good Day.

I usually hate commercials but....

2008-09-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

This is so great. I fully support Miller for the rest of eternity.

The Economy

2008-09-17T08:35:00.001-07:00

Hey, banking industry! What the fuck guys? Seriously? What the fuck is going on? You guys want capitalism to work? Then stop being so FUCKING stupid about it! For christ's sake, you don't get to beg for deregulation than get bailed out by the government.

And hey, government! Don't even pretend that you aren't in bed with the corporations when you dudes talk about personal responsibility while giving major banks HUGE reach-arounds. Holy shit! This is such garbage.

The economy is on the brink of collapse because of all you guys' irresponsibility. And what's worse, is that you're existence hinges on our collective irresponsibility. We have created an economy that needs debt in order to feed itself. It was only a matter of time, now wasn't it.

Fuck you guys! I'd say you can all wither and die, but then all of our money disappears, so just fuck you. Fucking pricks.

An Open Letter to Ms. Sarah Palin

2008-09-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Sarah,

Hey, how's it going. You don't know me, but I know you. We all do. Everything you say is being made public right now. You realize that right? I ask because, well, you behave like we don't see somethings that you do. Do you understand what we all think when you refuse to cooperate with the investigation? We think you're guilty. Anyone with any sense of reason thinks that. You look petty, and desperate. It's almost a turnoff, but don't worry, most of us would still TOTALLY do you.

Oh, and that's another thing. You're attractive. Everyone thinks so, and we all know you know it. So you and your cronies can stop being all "Barack is a sexist." But I've covered this. Let's move on.

You know how you don't really talk to the media? That makes us think you aren't really ready to handle their questions. And do you know what we think if we don't think you're ready for the media? We don't think you're ready to be President, which you could very well be.

Also, war with Russia? Are you fucking serious? There's NO way we can do that. You realize that right? I mean you support the war in Iraq which is already drawing resources away from the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, so what do you think is going to happen when we start a new cold war? Or...do you want a new cold war?

Do you really miss the fifties that bad? You want to make all families the Cleevers, I guess. And on top of that you want us afraid of the Russkies again.

Whatever though. Here's a picture for you!

I hope you like it!

Sincerely,

John Dugan Barrett

Bruce Springsteen

2008-09-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

This guy rules so much.

Like, so much.

Like, sometimes I don't even believe it.

I have been listening to Darkness on the Edge of Town almost nonstop this week. Any readers who don't have it, get it now.

That's really all I have to say.

Hole in the Wall

2008-09-11T17:03:00.001-07:00

God damn it America. I love the shit out of this show. It's the shitty American Version of an old Japanese show, so you know it's stupid as balls. The premise is pretty simple, and so, so, so, so dumb. Two teams (one usually fat, and one usually skinny) compete to see who can get through the most cutouts in a moving wall. If a team doesn't make it through, they are knocked into a pool. What? you may ask. Good question. I don't know. Brooke Burns is the girl on the court, talking with the participants. And this is the best part, she knows how stupid this is. The whole time she just smiles apparently thinking "This is more stupid than I look...and I look stupid." And this is why America is so great. Man, everyone should watch this show, because it totally rules and it represents why the rest of the world fails to understand us. I also find Brooke Burns incredibly attractive.

John McCain is a pedophile

2008-09-10T19:00:00.001-07:00

Yes, I said it. And I meant it. There is no other reasonable explanation for his response to Obama's "Kindergarten Sex-ed" stuff.

The McCain camp launched this ad in response to America's next President's stance.

So here's the real deal. Obama supports a community-based sexual education program for young children to help them avoid falling prey to pedophiles. So it stands to reason that the only pedophiles would be against it.

Therefore, McCain must be a pedophile.

Sexism and shit

2008-09-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hey! Assholes! One of the Presidential candidates is a sexist, and one is not. One of them got home from the Vietnam war and saw that his wife had gained weight, and divorced her. One of them does not support a woman's right to choose. And one picked a woman as a VP to condescendingly pander to the women who felt left out when Clinton did not get the Democratic nomination. At the bottom of this page is a subtle hint as to which one of the Presidential candidates is, in fact, a sexist, and he is not the one being accused of it in the media for some reason.

Pigs and such

2008-09-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

Would you call this woman a pig?

No, and neither would Senator Obama. She is attractive for her age, and certainly no pig. She may be unqualified, homophobic, anti-science, anti-choice, and an incredibly dangerous threat to American Freedom, but a pig, No!

Crazy-talk.

Let's talk politics

2008-09-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

So I registered to vote in Boston today. I think this election is very important, and I have some things I want to say about it. They have probably been said before and will probably be said again, but here it goes.

John McCain: This man seemed to be the right kind of guy in 2000, but then he fathered an illegitimate black baby, and America's finest C student got the presidency through more fraud than an episode of Chriss Angel: Mindfreak. Now he's a rank and file Republican who supports a fraudulent and outright evil war against a country that never really had all that much against us. He's a man that spent five years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, yet he is supports the current (illegal and inhumane) interrogation tactics in American prisons. The son of a bitch (and he is one) voted with President Bush 90% of the time. President Bush will, without a doubt in my mind, go down as the worst president in U.S. history. This "maverick" has agreed with 90% of some of the worst decisions ever made by a U.S. executive. He is also 72 years old, and has had cancer 5 times.

Which leads us to...

Sarah Palin: She looks like a hot librarian. Cool. But she also does not support a woman's right to choose. Not only that, but she doesn't support a woman's right to choose whether or not to have a baby that is the product of rape or incest. That's INSANE! But plenty of republicans have similar views. Okay, how about her support of abstinence only education? It may not be fair to pull a candidate's family into the political discussion, but Palins daughter is pregnant (for at least the first time) and that pregnancy is ultimately a direct result of the failure of abstinence only sexual education. Her life will be ruined by this, yet people find it heroic. Then there's her stance on gay rights. The Anchorage Daily News published the following about her,

"Palin said she's not out to judge anyone and has good friends who are gay, but that she supported the 1998 constitutional amendment [defining marriage as between a man and a woman].

"Elected officials can't defy the court when it comes to how rights are applied, she said, but she would support a ballot question that would deny benefits to homosexual couples.

"'I believe that honoring the family structure is that important,' Palin said.

She said she doesn't know if people choose to be gay."

Of course, she too is considered a maverick. She voted against the "Bridge to Nowhere," after, you know, voting for it first. She also has just a little bit more experience than I do with politics. This woman scares the shit out of me. She is a threat to a lot of what I believe.

Barack Obama: Barack Obama voted against the Iraq War. That should sell everyone on his candidacy. He helped to get the anti-nuclear proliferation bill in the Senate. Unlike his opponent he supports a woman's right to choose and stem cell research. He also supports informing people about pregnancy prevention. He is (like most politicians) not strong enough on Gay Marriage, but we all have to pick our battles I suppose.

Joe Biden: The one thing I've noticed about Joe Biden that gives him my full support is that he supports ending the powder-crack sentencing disparity. But Obama isn't an old cancer-patient, so knowing Biden's background might be a little less important than knowing Palin's. I hope I didn't just jinx this.

So now you know where I stand. Please vote accordingly.

An Ode to the Green Line

2008-09-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

The MBTA's Green Line subway line can feast on my balls. Seriously. Eat my balls Green Line. Fuck You!

I hate the Green Line so unbelievably fucking much it isn't even funny. Given the choice between watching as the Green Line is given life than has it slowly taken away or getting my dick blown by the most beautiful women in the world while the Gaslight Anthem plays "Casanova, Baby!" for all eternity, I'd probably choose the former.

If time-travel were possible and the Green Line had a mother, I would go back in time and abort the Green Line in the third trimester then spit in the mother's face for producing such a useless piece of garbage offspring.

So Green Line, watch your back. Because I'm back there with as painful of an instrument of death as there is, and I am willing to use it with excessive force. And guard your children, because I have paid people to kidnap them.

In closing, suck my dick.

Kiss the Bottle

2008-09-07T21:17:00.001-07:00

I feel this is an important discussion to have. Some of my less-informed brethren believe that there is a better version of this song than the original. He's wrong, and I am offering as many versions of it as I can. You decide which is better. There is a correct answer, and a not terribly offensively incorrect answer. Anything else should get you killed.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2008-09-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

The Ergs Broke up. Man, fuck that! I got to see these guys on that awesome Loved Ones tour this year. They are easily one of the most talented and fun pop-punk bands on the planet, and their two full lengths and the one split that I own rule a lot. Boo this. Boo it a lot.

Brighton Bound

2008-09-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

Thank God. Peace out (sch)Long Island.

Killing is a Special Thing. It's a Special Thing you do When you Want Someone to DIE.

2008-09-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

I fucking hate the idea of Sarah Palin.

Read this if you like freedom.

Fillings and Shit

2008-08-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

God fucking damn it! Today I had to get some fillings because my teeth are weak (or bad oral hygiene, but my oral hygiene is average at worst). Anyway, it took four syringes of Novocaine before the dentist was convinced that my mouth was fine. The result was drool all over my face, me speaking like someone with an extra Y-chromosome, and BLINDING FUCKING PAIN when the dentist put the drill in my tooth.

The pain was really intense. But the dentist said that it was partly mental. It wasn't. I'm something of a man of science, a scienced-ologist if you will, so I don't really believe in physical pain being mental. The pain was from the drill screeching into my tooth nerve. But her saying that got me thinking, maybe it wasn't the pain that made me want to kill everyone around me today. Maybe it's the searing boredom. Long Island offers me very little these days, and I just can't wait to be gone.

You know what, that's probably the SEARING PAIN talking.

RIP Steve Foley

2008-08-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know how regularly I'll publish things like this, but I think this is an important guy to talk about.

Steve Foley passed away this weekend in Minneapolis.

Foley was the drummer for the Replacements after original drummer Chris Mars quit the band. His tenure with the band was brief, and produced no recorded output, but he was undeniably a part of one of the most important bands in modern rock history.

I'd imagine that most readers of this blog are already fairly familiar with the Replacements, but in the event that you aren't, get yourself familiar with them. Pretty much every band I listen to post-1984 owes a debt to the 'Mats.

Rest in peace Mr. Foley.

Janice Dickinson: What an Awful Thing for Everything

2008-08-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

I may not be everyone's image of a feminist, but I like to think of myself as part of the solution when it comes to sexuality equality. Yeah, a bearded dude with a gut is one of many faces of feminism. Deal with that sexists! Anyway, two years at Emerson College has had one major impact on me, and that is that I view pretty much everything from the feminist stand point (in that I analyze most media in terms of sex and gender.)

This brings me to my next diatribe. What the fuck is the Oxygen Network (a network that, if I am not mistaken, is specifically geared towards women[which is a whole other sexual issue]) doing with The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency?

For those who are not as well-informed in the area of former stars sucking the last drops of fame juice from the fame tree as I am, Janice Dickinson was "The World's first super model." She as abused as a Child, and instead of rising above it, she went headlong into the world of fame; promiscuous, unprotected sex with multiple partners; and cocaine (I'm not sure on this, but we can assume it's true). She got herself knocked up, and had just assumed the father was Sylvester Stallone, but was proven wrong by a paternity test. But all of this is really just personal garbage that really isn't of any import to me or my women's equality.

What is important, is that she was a model. At some point in her life she realized that looks was where she had it. Okay, part of how this world works is getting paid for your assets, that is true for both men and women. No harm, no foul. But as a supermodel, she is at least partly responsible for the world we live in now where women (and to a lesser extent men) are forced to compare themselves on a daily basis to the most fantastic looking of their kind. At best, that shows a lack of real understanding of the impact of her decisions, at worst, she doesn't care (she probably doesn't care).

And then, there's her current face. The woman is pushing 60 years old and obviously fears it. Her lips are clearly enhanced, as are her breasts and most of the rest of her. Her face is expressionless and taut like a sail caught in a draft or some such thing, and she behaves like a prima donna. Her image and behavior resist the natural aging process, telling us that beauty is a trait more desirable than any other.

Is it fair of me to pick on one woman, perhaps not. Many women are guilty of similar behavior, but none of them have a TV show, which leads me to the next half of this screed.

Modeling is an industry that commodifies beauty, then uses beauty (which you either have or not) to convince other people to try and become more beautiful. It's a money thing, you're all smart enough to know it. The participants are reduced to hunks of beauty, and there is no doubt that this has a more serious (and dangerous) impact on women.

So why does Oxygen give this woman a platform to relay this message? This doubtlessly sets back any chance at sexual equality. Sure, there are male models involved, but that might just point to the fact that the idea of modeling should be reconsidered in its entirety. Anyway, Janice Dickinson's modeling agency seems anti-feminist. That and looking at that face makes me punchy.

Man, Fuck the Medical Industry

2008-08-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

It's time for us to call out the world's biggest failures. The Medical industry has sat on their fat, impotent asses trying to make them thin and virile for far too long. People suffer every day, but fifty + year old men can get boners. That's totally fair.

But what makes their apparent priority issue worse is the overwhelming amount a fluid currently trying to work its way out of me. I'm only human, and therefore can only prevent these fluids from seeping out of two, maybe three orifices at a time.

And why must I suffer so? Because some dude's boner is more important than my cold. Whatever.

The common cold has plagued mankind for millenia, and these fuckers have let it slip by uncured. And why? Because the money's in the treatment! Don't give me your "The Common cold is a constantly shifting virus that never occurs the same way twice" because you're just part of the conspiracy to keep my head foggy and hurty. I recommend that all readers refuse to pay their copays, and steal any necessary medication (from dumpsters if neccessary) until the cure for the common cold is discovered. Refuse doctor's care if possible, because they must be held responsible.

Guess what this one's about

2008-08-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

So the new Gaslight record is blowing up, and I'm a huge fanboy. They signed my CD and remembered me from the Cambridge show. Sweet

Anyway, I just want to throw this idea out there, and let people comment if they wish. Someone in an itunes review of the '59 Sound said that Gaslight is definitely not the next Clash, but are definitely the next Replacements.

I ask this: Who's to say that the Clash are better than the Replacements? I don't believe that. I'll take ANY replacements record over the best Clash records, and I'll take Gaslight over them both. But why do we hold these bands up so high? Why is it so offensive to call a band the new Clash? Isn't that what punk rock was against? Thoughts?

The '59 Sound

2008-08-18T22:06:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, or possibly at this point two days ago, I posted that video of that nut-grabbingly amazing band, the Gaslight Anthem. Those dudes have a new record out that means more to me than words can really describe right now, but man am I gonna try.

For all my love of this band, it took a while for them to grow on me. I first remember hearing the songs from Sink or Swim streaming on their myspace page. They were all right, but a little too "throwback" for my tastes. Then there were rumors that the boys from New Brunswick were going to be opening for Hot Water Music at the New Jersey reunion show. That was a crock of shit, but I used it as an excuse to actively try and get into them. That attempt worked. After weeks of listening to the full album stream on Punknews.org, I decided that the record in question was definitely going to force me to redo my end of '07 albums list.

Then I saw them open for the Loved Ones. Essentially they were all over me because I was ballsy enough to wear a Giants hat to a concert in Boston a few weeks after the Superbowl. They had my undying fandom after that.

The Senor and the Queen came out in March, and as far as I'm concerned the songs beat the songs on Sink or Swim.

And so here we are. For the first time in my memory, I was there at a relatively early point in a band's development. They had a new record coming out, and they were going to be playing a couple of shows around my neck of the woods around its release.

The record leaked back in June, and like bazillions of others, I downloaded it illegally and was blown away immediately. By the chorus of the opening number, "Great Expectations", I had tears welling up in my eyes. The album struck a very poignant emotional chord. The music set a somber tone. Vocalist Brian Fallon's delivery was anthemic and beautiful and perfectly carried the emotional weight of the songs. The record warranted multiple purchases. To date I've purchased the record four times, and I will buy any further pressings on vinyl.

After four listens, I deleted the mp3s. I didn't want to ruin the record for myself. I waited until seeing them live to hear these songs again.

At the show, the songs had the same effect as on the record. I spent much of the show wiping tears from my eyes (which some people saw fit to make fun of me for, asshats). I picked up my black vinyl copy of the LP.

Since the show, I have listened to the record a great deal, and have started to figure out what it is about it that makes it mean so much to me. Brian Fallon writes songs about heartbreak and dreaming of something better. Gaslight's songs aren't self-righteous political screeds set to overly simplistic chord progressions. They aren't clichéd hate letters to the women who've done wrong. They are honest expressions of something that I know I have trouble expressing, but somehow this guy from Jersey can do it for me.

Never before has a record expressed something that, for me, is inexpressible. The songs on The '59 Sound force the emotions stuck inside of me out, and that is why, more than any record before, this record hasn't left my turntable for any extended period.

I strongly recommend that anyone who reads this get this if they haven't already. I doubt too many of you haven't unless more people are turned to this from not punknews than I think.

Well, that was self-indulgent of me, but I had to write this.

Oh, and the record comes out today.

EDIT: Guess who got coverage in the New York Times!

The Gaslight Anthem

2008-08-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

No Words.

Escape the Fate

2008-08-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

So the dude from Escape the Fate got arrested for letting someone die (oversimplification? Probably not). Anyway, the waste of sperm has been blogging from prison, and it is the funniest fucking thing ever. I am posting it here along with some other junk to show the ridiculousness of this man and his band to my extensive readership.

Radke's myspace

Please, watch this. It's horrendo.

Some Punknews Haikus

2008-08-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

So on August the 12th in the year of our lord 2008, Punknews' favorite son, MattRamone, challenged yours truly to a haiku-off. I accepted. Here are the results as best I could find them on the website. Thank you to all contributers. The word document I copied them into was 15 pages long.

MattRamone

Flailing white pre teens
I hope their plugs get ripped out
Make them cry for real

Scientistrock

Death by Senses Fail
Hell's fire could not be worse.
I hope death is swift.

MattRamone

I will greet you sir
On the haiku battlefield
I'll bring Capri Sun

Scientistrock

The gauntlet is thrown.
Prepare for my victory.
Epic fail is yours.

MattRamone

Before the day ends
You will shed tears like Pete Wentz
Call the wahmbulance

Scientistrock

And so it begins.
Are you ready for this, Matt?
Triumph will be mine.

MattRamone

When Ronnie Radke
Is in the prison shower
Won't fail to drop soap

Scientistrock

Max Bemis is Stoked
Whenever we mention him.
Too bad he's a fag.

MattRamone

When news is posted
I look for where someone exclaims
"GASLIGHT ANTHEM LEAKED!!!!"

Scientistrock

Brain Fallon's dick
Like sugar fresh from the cane.
He makes me confused.

MattRamone

We're all gay for him
Looks like we'll have to settle
For twin Thus_Spoke_Sean

Scientistrock

Sleeve-tats to knuckles
Bring me to the Middle East
Where they made me gay.

MattRamone

Onto other news
Saul William's an asshole
Enjoy your Nike's

Scientistrock

Metro Staion is
The worst thing to ever be.
And that includes aids.

MattRamone

Hawthorne Heights O.D.
Not really all that tragic
One down, four to go

Scientistrock

Victory Records
Is Satan's dick of music.
May they all die soon.

MattRamone

Attention AP
13 year old girls are not
The most critical fans

Scientistrock

Hot Water Music
Reunited and AP
Gave some douche the front.

MattRamone

I listen to them
Pretty much exclusively
I'm slow, old, and strange

Scientistrock

Saw them and some dudes
From some shitty band from the
Windiest of towns.

MattRamone

Speaking of feelings
Brought on by men with sleeve tats
I woudl touch Brendan

Scientistrock

His dick is smaller
Than Chris's (some interview).
Not proud to know that.

MattRamone

New Hopeless bands, though...
I want to stab their eyeballs
With a cigarette

Scientistrock

Yeah, what the hell, man?
Versus God! Fucking...Come on!
"Let's scream or something."

MattRamone

It's appropriate
At their nadir they sign a
Band called All Time Low

Scientistrock

No Idea will
Someday sign a shitty band,
And our world will end.

MattRamone

I hope on that day
I will be found sitting
Six feet underground

Scientistrock

Or at least buried
In empty cans, blue ribbons
Upon them, crying.

MattRamone

When some emo teen
Posts "no idea r00lz u gais!"
I will kill myself

Scientistrock

No Idea Records
Signs "Blood bleeds like bloody blood."
Bullets enter me.

MattRamone

"Red Scare Morphs Into
A Straight Edge Hardcore Label"
I bleed in the tub

Scientistrock

"Asian Man Records
Moves out of Mike Park's garage."
The world really ends.

MattRamone

Virgil announces
That vinyl's a dead format
Life's not worth it now

Scientistrock

Don't even say that.
I'd rather be dead than live
In that kind of world.

MattRamone

Punk seven inches
Are what make the world go 'round
CD EPs blow

Scientistrock

What is the point of
A CDEP? There is
So much waste right there.

MattRamone

It's like restaurants
That use huge plates for small food
Fuck, what's the point, man?

Scientistrock

No colored CDs.
Man, that shit's fucking boring.
Give me red splatter!

MattRamone

The new Fake Problems
Splatter seven inch record
Is hot like org girls

Scientistrock

The cutest org girl
Couldn't beat the beauty of
My Larries' LPs.

MattRamone

I have Apathy
On clear green. I paid eight bucks.
Suck it, record nerds.

Archangel

Just how did I miss
a PunkNews haiku contest?
How do I get in?

MattRamone

Scientistrock might
Call a new one tomorrow
Step up to the streets

Scientistrock

If you are willing,
I will throw down yet again.
I am unemployed.

MattRamone

Having a girlfriend
Who pays almost all the bills
Is fucking awesome

HumanUnkind

quote unquote becomes
a part of the warner group
punk is really dead

MattRamone

Sire signs Against Me!
That will not ever happen
...oh Christ on a crutch

Scientistrock

BTMI puts
Out a physical release.
Oh shit! We're too late!

HumanUnkind

O Pioneers!!! drop
an exclamation mark or
two! no not really!!!

Scientistrock

We up the punx by
Upping the punxuation
To paraphrase Jeff.

ForgetThisPlace

I would still bang him
And it's not gay because I'm
one of the few girls.

Scientistrock

I would do the same
But it's totally not gay
Because you get one.

MattRamone

I always forget
That females post on this site
We're essentially pigs

Scientistrock

Last Navel Gazing
Scared new ones away I bet.
Beard dudes salivate.

ForgetThisPlace

Some beards can be hot.
Along with full-sleeve tattoos.
Sean: new 'org heartthrob?

Scientistrock

He looks like Fallon.
Tricked some of the dudes like Me.
We're gay for gaslight.

ForgetThisPlace

Does that make him the
'Unisex 'org fantasy'?
Guys and girls both drool.

ScientistRock

He is creeped out now.
Oh well, does anyone care?
Hold onto your butt!

ForgetThisPlace

The 'org: Sausage fest.
Bound to be guy on guy love.
Little bit creepy.

Scientistrock

Hence why we explode
When girls announce their presence.
Boners must abound!

ForgetThisPlace

Girls are hard to find.
Always mistaken for dudes.
I need a smoke...man.

MattRamone

We can't help the fact
That we're all so damn studly
And punk girls dig jerks

He is a hottie
He and acris should have kids
They would be gorgeous

Oh hai thurr qt
I like Avail and drinking
Don't care you're 16

Scientistrock

Too bad we all got
Beer guts like pregnant women.
And my beard gets gross.

MattRamone

A beer gut's a sign
That we know how to party
Moshing is fitness

Scientistrock

You screw like you dance.
What does that mean for us punks?
It sure ain't pretty.

MattRamone

I hit my girlfriend
During sex. She responds with
Karate spin kicks

Scientistrock

It's just a push fest.
Bodies fly everywhere.
I'm kicked in the head.

MattRamone

I'm sure that this Fest
Will be one big dot ORGy
Beards and lube for all

sXenester

Hello, Fred Knuckles
Craig Finn fighting Sir Fallon
Everywhere, we cum

Scientistrock

Brother v brother.
How can I pick the right side?
Either way we lose.

sXenester

Old men, shoes, cliche,
longwinded, springsteen, and etc
kill me, joe Jackson

Scientistrock

Don't fuck with Jersey.
Those landfills ain't just garbage
If you get my drift.

MattRamone

Not saying that we'll
Do something, but shit happens
People fall down stairs

Scientistrock

They’re building a new
Giants Stadium, right now.
Don't get Hoffa'd yo.

Lostandclowned

Mike has not called yet
I am watching "The Wire."
This is a haiku.

Scientistrock

Who's to say that we
Need to practice today yo?
There's still tomorrow.

Lostandclowned

That may very well be
But I feel like it today
Where did this joke start?

Scientistrock

MattRamone haiku'd
In one of yesterday's bad
Bands' megatour threads.

HumanUnkind

haikus are punk rock
just like pbr and tats,
chin beards and gaslight

Scientistrock

They are the punkest
Of poetic forms you know.
They would have mohawks.

MattRamone

And scream "fuck you, dad!"
While wearing a flannel shirt
And a Castro hat

HumanUnkind

blank verse is emo
reading it is like crying
when you hear dashboard

MattRamone

It's not poetry
If it's just sentence fragments
Kids today suck it

Scientistrock

No man was punker
Than Masaoka Shiki.
Walt Whitman, emo.

MattRamone

Walt Whitman sucks hard
So does Thoreau. My Amer.
Lit class was not great

Scientistrock

I can handle them
Both, but I have to because
Lit is all I take.

HumanUnkind

Imagism rocks
short poems by some great minds
Ezra pound rocks

MattRamone

I prefer lyrics
According to my girlfriend.
She's probably right.

Scientistrock

I'm more into prose.
John Steinbeck is why I write.
I don't get poems.

HumanUnkind

Poems are not fun
nathanael west is the best
he only wrote books

Lostandclowned

worker bees can leave
even drones can fly away
the queen is their slave

(Plagiarize much, ed.)

Scientistrock

America is
Not doing to well at this
Game of Baseball, geez.

(I believe the US Olympic team lost to Korea, ed.)

Lostandclowned

i have never read
"Walden" in full. However,
I have read parts.

In a summary
i read, i liked the part on
the depth of the pond.

Scientistrock

I "read" Cape Cod, but
I did not really read it.
I talk good bull shit.

Lostandclowned

i haven't used my hand
to count more since learning how
to borrow in math.

Scientistrock

Not sure I buy that.
How did you jerk off Dave Grohl?
You just got pwn'd bitch!

Time to go running,
But I will return with more
Haikus than before!

MattRamone

I call a draw, sir
Blood was drawn, secret's confessed
Enjoy your respite

Lostandclowned

Scientistrock v.
MattRamone v. lostandclowned
(Hell in a Cell Match)

Scientistrock

I agree, a draw.
You're a formidable foe.
Until next time then.

Softcoreseizure

Neat. I also run
Didn't know there were others
Fuck bike punx, I'm broke

MattRamone

Up the haiku punx
Our syllables smash the state
Poetry is 'core

Scientistrock

http://www.punknews.org/article/30036

The answers you seek
Can be found within comments
That were posted here.

MattRamone

This band is awful
Scientistrock must agree
Haiukus = best smackdown

VeganboyJosh

rates for ads on threads
about anti-flag are now
more expensive. thanks.

scientistrock and
mattramone are to blame for
more threads about crap.

Scientistrock

To be quite honest
There is not too much hate for
This band. Boring though.

Veganboyjosh

kneel's haiku is fail.
the syllables are all wrong.
please now do over.

Ain't no College Grad Kids

2008-08-03T20:47:00.000-07:00

I was contemplating titling this post "Feeling Gay: An Afternoon with Black Lips." But they didn't play that song, and there is already a picture associated with this post of a man with less pants than I am usually comfortable with.

Anyway, to the task at hand.

I saw these Atlanta based "flower punk"ers this afternoon for free. In his introduction, King Kahn referred to them as "the best rock and roll band since the Troggs." At first, this seemed like an exaggeration, but when I thought about it, it made sense. If you're favorite rock and roll band is the Troggs, then it is highly likely that Black Lips are the best band since.

They are also poised to take over the world.

I haven't really done my research on this, so I will back up this claim in later posts, but for now, I recommend that all two of my readers check out black lips before they own you.

Also check out anything King Kahn is associated with.

Manny Ramirez Revisited

2008-07-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

Boston's talking to Pittsburgh. Please please please please please please please send him there Red Sox. Please!

Okay, I'll take the Dodgers.

Reggaeton vs. Rap Rock: The Quest for the World's Worst Musical Abomination

2008-07-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

So, I spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff, and I think I am nearing a final decision. Over the course of my life, I have heard a lot of music that I've hated. Here I present the worst of the worst two, and leave it up to whoever happens to see this to help me decide.

In this corner we have Insane Clown Posse representing the auditory abortion that is Rap Rock.

These gentlemen formed their "band" in Detroit, MI as something of a gang called "Inner City Posse." Somewhere along the line, these gentlemen got it in their heads that ruining music would be a good idea, so they did it, and people were stupid enough to like it. Those inordinately stupid people call themselves juggalos. They suck... A LOT. I shit you not when I say that there is a religion around this band. For real. God!

And in this corner, Daddy Yankee featuring Fergie.

I don't really have the personal hatred for this artist that I do for ICP, so here's the video. Reggaeton is just offensive musically.

Place your votes in the comments.

Titletown My Fucking Ass

2008-07-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

ESPN named Valdosta, GA Titletown USA. There are multitudinous reasons why this "award" should be considered a joke, but I will focus on just a few. First and foremost: They have two schools that win football championships. No professional sports. Whatever, I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with is this: New York City got snubbed.

New York City is home to the New York Yankees. They have the most World Series wins by a lot. Okay, people don't like the Yankees, whatever, you all suck.

New York City is the home of the '69 and '86 Mets, two World Series wins that were unlikely at best. The Mets are also in first in the NL East last I checked. But, okay, baseball isn't the thing all over America.

In December of 1958 the greatest game of football ever played was played at Yankee Stadium. The game was for the NFL Championship, and almost single-handedly made professional football a respectable sport. The Baltimore Colts defeated the New York Giants 23-17 in the first overtime game in NFL history. Do you not care for sports history? Or Pete and Pete (if you don't get the reference, you are not cool)? Fine, some recent football.

On February 3rd 2008, The New York Football Giants beat an until then undefeated New England Patriots in perhaps the greatest Superbowl game ever played, bringing yet another title to our fair city. Everyone hates the Patriots!

There's the Rangers with 4 Stanley Cups, The Islanders with the same. The Knicks were good at one point.

But maybe none of this is doing it for you. Okay. New York City is the only place in the world where you can win the Triple Crown in horse racing or the Grand Slam in Tennis!

Fine, you know what, take it Valdosta. We don't need any validation. You will never be the financial capital (capitol?) of the world. Actors won't aspire to hone their craft in your theatres. Immigrants won't flock to your shores. New York doesn't need your precious "Titletown." This is the greatest city in the world!

But seriously ESPN voters...what the fuck?

Photo courtesy of some magazine or something.

Farewell Sweet Prince: An Ode to Baseball's Finest Venue

2008-07-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

As we all know, the old Yankee Stadium is currently in its last Season as the home of Baseball's greatest team. With the closing of the stadium an important chapter of baseball history closes. But I'm not writing to dwell tragically on the past. No, I am here to bitch triumphantly about the future!

So, of all places, the Yankees decided to build their new stadium in a park across the street from the old stadium. Great! That's just what the Bronx needs, developers filling the area with stuff that the residents can't really afford to enjoy. Most of the Bronx is not a pretty place. The buildings are generally unappealing, and major thoroughfares run through the whole borough. The Bronx can use all the parks it can get. The old stadium is becoming a park, but I just don't like the idea.

There were also talks of a Hockey game taking place at the stadium. It seems that NHL has decided to hold their yearly outdoor game at Wrigley field in Chicago (another shrine to baseball, but not one that is closing), so Steinbrenner lives.

I don't know. Maybe I'm still pissed that I lost my last chance to see a game there before it closes (fuck you Justin[at least I think that's your name]), but I still don't get why they're taking it down.

Again, fuck you Justin.

Photo Courtesy of a google image search.

A Big Fat Fuck You To That Asshole who said he'd Sell me That Yankees Ticket.

2008-07-28T10:56:00.001-07:00

Hey buddy, get fucked...HARD. If I weren't such a coward, I'd write such insidious things about you behind your back, but even that is too much for my weak constitution. Needless to say, I hope Wednesday's game is the worst in the history of the franchise. If I don't get to the stadium this season, your place in hell is assured.

- John

Sydney Ponson: The College Kid of Major League Pitching

2008-07-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

Sydney Ponson pitches a ball game like I write papers. The son of a bitch pitches so lazily, loading the bases, and just figures that he'll pull three outs out of his ass. This system failed him miserably (it's worked alright so far for me, maybe I should take a lesson and start writing like Mussina) this evening against the indescribably evil Boston Red Sox. The rest of the Yankees' rotation has been doing their part, but this guy is still trying to get Cs four hours before class. UGH!

In other news, Tim and Eric is on right now! I'm fucking stoked!

For the record, I will probably spend the rest of the summer bitching about Major League baseball players. Please keep in mind that they are grown men paid to play a game. They can handle some douche making fun of them on a blog no one reads.

Let's hope for serious injuries in Boston and Tampa.

Photo Courtesy of intellectual theft.

Manny Ramirez: UGH!

2008-07-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Red Sox,

Please trade Manny Ramirez to a Shitty National League team so that I have to see as little of him as humanly possible.

Sincerely,
John Barrett

Seriously though, this man is unprofessional, unpleasant, and kind of a shitty outfielder. I know that this stuff gets said a lot, and it will continue to be said.

I'm glad there are trade talks, because I really don't think he cares about the game.

Oh, and the Red Sox suck and what not, and him leaving will not change that. But, man, fuck that dude.

Photo courtesy of Manny Ramirez's complete lack of shame.

P-E-D-E-R-A-S-T-Y, What the fuck's wrong with this guy?

2008-07-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

So the bass player in my band (that's right, Tim; my band) invited me to the Mets Game on Friday night. It was a good game, and I'm glad I got to Shea before they closed that motherfucking eyesore.

But let me begin by discussing what Tim already discussed in his shitty blog. Some dude was totally wasted next to us (there were five of us, and we had a box to ourselves [pretty fucking sweet]) and he seemed to not realize we noticed. At first he screamed something about Tatis at a fairly random time (Tatis at least wasn't up I don't think). That's annoying, but fairly normal douche-bag behavior at a baseball game. It got more awful. There was a group of girls whose average age was somewhere between 14 and 16 and he was talking to them in a sort of creepy pedophile way. We thought he may have been trying to offer them beer in exchange for services that if described here would get me in trouble with people who think the internet is a series of tubes. This continued throughout the night. However, by making any further assumptions than I already have would make me a worse person than I already am.

Tim mentioned the guy who accidentally tripped me and said he thought they weren't necessarily obnoxious drunken assholes. Tim is very naive. They were assholes.

Anyway, the game was good. Mets won 7-2 and Pelfrey is unstoppable. Someone hit their first major league home run. Good for that dude.

I'd like to take this time to point out that Shea Stadium is fantastically ugly. Like, really, unbelievably ugly. It's this awful blue awful mess in Queens (an awful Borough). The new stadium is nice, looks like any other baseball stadium, but at least it isn't blue and shitty.

I'm making my last journey to Yankees Stadium on Wednesday and look forward to it with bated breath. Fuck the Red Sox and Rays.

Photo courtesy of google.

This Ain't no Anthem, We Must Fight Them

2008-07-17T16:08:00.001-07:00

Much will be made of this past weekend’s un-motherfucking-believable slate of shows in New York City. Hillscore act Alkaline Trio brought their friends (and awesome band) American Steel to The Fillmore at Irving Plaza, Fuck Yeah Fest made it’s Manhattan stop (featuring Dillinger Four and the Circle Jerks) at The Highline Ballroom, and God’s greatest gift from Gainesville graced New York with their (and Thursday’s and Paint it Black’s) presence all on one night. It was almost a hard decision. I had seen Hot Water Music at their transcendent (yeah, I stand by that word-choice) New Jersey reunion, Alkaline Trio bored me the two times I had seen them at Warped Tour (I don’t want to talk about it), and D4 was playing the next day in Brooklyn. So Hot Water Music it was.

Hot Water Music, Thursday and Paint it Black is a pretty solid line-up (which is pretty much HWM’s thing for the reunions) so I got tickets for that for my brother’s birthday. As such, I was on his time for this thing. He had work until six which meant getting into the show just before Thursday took the stage. The little shit was gonna pay for making me miss Paint it Black.

Thursday played a tight, energetic set. I only recognized three songs, but they played those three well. Their new instrumental from their upcoming split with Envy was probably my favorite bit (that or Geoff Rickley’s impressive microphone spinning). Geoff said something to the effect of “These two bands are two of the most genuine bands in music,” that quote earned him much respect from me. They got themselves on stage, and I turned around to see two friends who came down all the way from Boston for this mindfuck of a weekend. Cool, huh?

I got up to about three “rows” back to watch Hot Water Music. They came on to some bluegrass-y song, and delivered onto us the rock! The set was a blur of getting crowd surfed on, and screaming a lot of lyrics. Highlights were “Rooftops” and “It’s Hard to Know” and that by the end of the set, Chuck Ragan was playing guitar from his back. They left and then did their encore thing. They ended on another personal favorite “Turnstile.” Good God Damn that show ruled. My throat was a little raw, so it was time to high-tail it back home in order to rest-up for the HUGE day ahead of me.

A friend picked me up and we met some more friends at the train station, anticipating great things from Fuck Yeah! Fest. Just that morning I had seen that Paint it Black was added on to the bill, my brother lives. And of course there were the great Dillinger Four and Circle Jerks.

So onto Brooklyn. God, that place is awful! I mean, Christ! You know? Club Exit is a really weird dance-club or something. It’s really weird with these mushroom things dangling from the ceiling, and crazy lighting and stuff. You pee onto the wall in the bathroom. It’s fucking crazy.

Anyway, Brooklyn hipster-type band Japanther went on first. There was lots of pounding drums, and what I assume were tape loops because there were two dudes on stage, but a lot of sounds. They kept saying they were a (fill in the blank) band from (fill in the blank) city. That was pretty annoying. After this, myself and one of my friends left for air and subway. We had hoped to avoid the next two smelly hipster-bands and get in just in time for Paint it Black.

When we returned, Team Robespierre was on. They were a slightly less unbearable than Japanther, and people seemed to be having fun. They played on the floor and there was a lot of jumping.

Israel’s own Monotonix came on next. I wasn’t paying much attention though. The crew and I were busy buying merch from Paddy. One of the crew needed an XXL, and Paddy, himself being a big-dude took it upon himself to search for said shirt for literally five minutes. When finally he found it, he let out the most triumphant bellow these ears have heard. We all couldn’t help but join him. At some point I turned around to see a bearded man who looked something like Alejandro Jordorowsky in El Topo screaming from on top of a bass drum that had been hoisted over the heads of some audience members. Pretty interesting, but nothing great musically.

It was time for the mighty Paint it Black. I went all the way to the front. Behind me, one of my buddies from Boston handed me his half finished beer to finish for him, which was nice (what with the no wrist-band thing I had going on). The guys took the stage, and the rocking commenced. Bodies flew everywhere, stage-divers, crowd-surfers, and mosh-warriors by the buttload. It felt about as close as I ever have to being in the old-days of hardcore. Dr. Dan Yemin was high energy and spot on in his vocal performance. Highlights of the set were the whole thing, but the songs I knew best were “We Will Not” and “Memorial Day.” I even got the mic in my face during the former. These guys are totally the best band in hardcore today.

So it was time for me to take about 45 minutes off. Matt and Kim were setting up, and I wasn’t going to be around for their set. I ran into Dr. Dan in the crowd and got a homie-handshake. It ruled pretty hard.

Matt and Kim: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Then I moved up for D4. As Lane set up his drums, the FFY comedians did their bits. The first guy was awful. All dick jokes and Jew jokes. Ugh. Then the second guy, Hannibal Burress, killed it. Absolutely fantastic, but I remember very little except that he liked kicking pigeons. As he left the stage, Paddy from D4 came on to tune and whatnot. He also took the opportunity to flex his standup chops. “How about airline food? Am I Right?” He asked, shrugging. He followed with a knock-knock joke.

“Knock-knock,” he said.

“Who’s there?” the audience asked.

“New Found Glory,” he replied.

“New Found Glory who?” the audience asked

“That’s show business.”

And then, the Four. They opened with Thomas Paine, then ripped into a set of pure loveliness. Before my personal favorite song, “Super Powers Enable me to Blend in with Machinery” Paddy gave the crowd some advice on class-warfare. “Steal shit from your bosses, and then trade that shit with each other,” he told us. They ripped through more of their amazing catalog. They seemed to divide the set pretty evenly among studio albums (though nothing off This Shit is Genius). The set ended with Doublewhiskeycokenoice, but the audience implored them, and they played one last song, but I can’t remember what it was. It definitely ruled though. Oh, and somewhere along the line, someone scratched my face open.

I left after that. It was 12:30 and the LIRR isn’t the best about running. It was a cap to quite a long, and voice shattering weekend.

Photo Courtesy of Emma, who I have not asked for permission. Whoops!

The G8 summit and stuff

2008-07-07T13:02:00.001-07:00

The green trend has reached the highest echelons of economic policy makers. Europe and Japan have finally started coaxing the U.S.’s illustrious president into discussing reducing carbon emissions. I will break down what I’ve taken in about this meeting into a simple and easy-to-understand metaphor.

The world’s population is a colossal fat-ass. He has been eating to cope with feelings of inferiority. The sun doesn’t love our planet like it loves Mercury, and He isn’t as successful as big brother Jupiter. So the earth consumes. A lot.

So now, the earth is at serious risk of heart disease, diabetes, and certain forms of cancer, but that’s not its concern, or at least that’s not the concern that it’s voicing the loudest. No, the concern seems to be that it costs too much to put clothes on the fat son of a bitch.

So what’s the plan? God forbid the earth completely rethinks its consumption-levels. No! for the time being the earth’ll keep up its consumption until the food that’s killing it runs out. Good decision.

To keep up with this line of metaphor, the G8 guys met to discuss this problem. Their discussion illustrates on a micro level, what I just described on a macro level.

Now that global warming is driving up fuel costs, its time for the richest nations to consider addressing the problem. That is, except for the good ol’ US of A. Our divinely ordained leader agreed to join talks about solving the climate change crisis if India and China agree to the same terms the U.S. does.

In this situation, America is like a fat man who will lose his foot from diabetes telling a starving child that they can’t eat chocolate (which may or may not be the only food source available to said child) because he can’t. I’ll grant that the energy crisis must be addressed in developing nations, but America is going to go blind and lose both feet before China or India are in a position to deal with it.

Long story short, get your check-ups. Diabetes can suck pretty bad.

Related Link: http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL0354034920080707

My Celebrated Summer (of Butt-Surgery)

2008-07-06T23:00:00.000-07:00

College students are supposed to do all sorts of illicit things to their bodies. Our bodies should scream bloody murder for all the things we do to them. I’ll grant that, perhaps, I am guilty of some such things, but when my body started screaming bloody murder, it wasn’t because of it.

My first observation is that finding blood on toilet paper is frightening, like, really frightening. There are places that blood is supposed to come from, and your butt is none of those places.

My second observation: I really do not like the idea of being sick. I spent two months bleeding from somewhere around my ass, convinced that eating more fiber and drinking more water was fixing my problems.

Third observation: the combination of blood and pus smells disgusting. I don’t think I need to tell you anymore.

Fourth observation: Nurses are nice, and some of them don’t seem to get it. Here’s where this goes from a struggle of fear and anxiety to a story of embarrassment and humor. I go to a school whose gay population is pretty high. When I explained to the school’s nurse that I was “bleeding from my ass,” her first question was “Have you had anal intercourse recently?” I had not. Moments later, I had my pants down. Before separating the gluteus muscles to locate the source of the blood she asked again, and in the time between her asking and her asking again I had not in fact had anal intercourse. It seems to me that at Emerson no one would be shy about having anal intercourse, but to each her own. She apologized for embarrassing me with the question, and proceeded to inspect my ass with a shocked sigh.

Turns out, what I had was a pilonidal cyst. Essentially what that is, is that my skin grew over a hair follicle, but no one told the follicle, and that dude just decided to keep producing gross, smelly fluids. These gross smelly fluids had to go somewhere, so a hole opened up along my ass-crack through which the gross smelly fluids made their way onto my toilet tissue.

So I made an appointment with a Colo-rectal surgeon over my spring break. Spring Break! WOOOO!

Fifth Observation: Colo-rectal surgeons’ offices are not the most fun places to spend spring break.

Sixth observation: Colo-rectal surgeons have really seen a lot. I spent about two minutes in the guy’s office, two seconds of which spent with my ass uncovered. “Yep, that’s a pilonidal cyst, pants up.” I needed surgery, with a two month recovery time.

Seventh observation: summer sucks when you spend it recovering from butt-surgery. On May 16^th the year of our lord 2008, a fluid filled sac was cut out of me. I have spent the summer since then able to do nothing but heal. Twice a day, for about a month and a half, my poor mother had to shove a tiny piece of gauze into a tiny hole in my giant ass. I can’t imagine her discomfort, but I don’t even have to imagine my own. It was very real.

I guess if there’s a moral to this story, it’s this. Don’t let skin grow over hair on your ass. Also, anal intercourse that I have not had is apparently more embarrassing than having my ass inspected.